*** WARNING: MANY SPOILERS ***

Unless there is some serious animosity among the final 4 competitors, the darkest of horses wins the final Individual Immunity Challenge, or there is a tie, Survivor finales tend to be among the most bloated and least exciting episodes of the season.

The standout for me is still without a doubt the very first edition, Survivor: Borneo, which ended with Richard Hatch, who many at the time called Reality TV’s first gay villain, taking the $1,000,000 prize. Not only was Hatch’s victory unexpected, but the finale pre-vote was dominated by the campy vitriol of a then 39-year old truck driver from Wisconsin named Susan Hawk. If you have not seen Susan’s downright Shakespearean closing (which was unscripted as she tossed what was given to her), just imagine Roseanne Barr channeling Helen Lawson from Valley of the Dolls talking about vultures, rats, snakes, and Mother Nature.

Tonight’s finale seemed very promising, with the possibility of cutie Todd Herzog, the 22–year openly gay Mormon, going all the way, thus becoming the first openly gay contestant to win since Hatch. Even if Todd did not make the final 3, there was potential for some serious fireworks at Tribal Council as some of the members of the Jury had already shown that they could be explosive, and Todd would not likely disappoint.

So how did Todd place? At this point all that I can tell you is that I have a horrible history of predicting winners, that there is no car challenge (for the first time in 14 seasons), and that this finale was probably even more bloated than any in recent history. It did include two elements that really stood out for me, the first being how many of the members of the jury were still very undecided about who to give their vote to at the end, and the other has to do with something that I would only be able to confirm by the end of the Reunion Show, which followed the 2-hour finale.

The Finale

After a surprisingly short summary of what happened from day 1 through the evening of day 36 (kudos to CBS), the show opens with Todd, Amanda, Denise, and Courtney returning from Tribal Council after having voted off Phei –Gee. Todd is very pumped as it looked like he could have been a goner yet again.

Day 37 begins with a really cool Reward Challenge that has the players building their own version of the Great Wall of China. They are playing for the most delicious looking pizza I’ve ever seen, beer, drinks, and even brownies. As is the case with last challenges, this one involved a combination of puzzles, balance, climbing, but for once no flags. Todd takes the early lead, but loses to Amanda yet again. At this point Todd still has not won a single Individual Reward Challenge or Individual Immunity, the latter of which is more problematic than the former.

Amanda has the choice of either stuffing her face alone or can share her reward with 1, 2, but not all 3 remaining players. Amanda is very nervous and puts her pageant experience to good use to try and figure out the best move for her as if she were in front of an audience. I would taken both Todd and Courtney, and certainly would have not eaten it alone, as that would have given the other 3 players too much time to be bitter and have an impact on the final vote as there was one remaining Immunity Challenge that was up for grabs. Amanda decides to only take Todd.

UPDATE: The full recap is now up. Check it out!

In case you missed it, Survivor: China wrapped last night and crowned the reality mainstay's latest million-dollar winner. Most of the people frequenting this site were likely tuning in to see if the puckish flight attendant from Utah, Todd Herzog, would take the title after making it into the finals.  

We'll have a full recap going up later this morning, but for the meantime here's the outcome of the finals for those who want to discuss right away. Click through the jump for the spoiler.

*** WARNING SPOILERS***

If you are a Todd Herzog fan, watching the last two episodes of Survivor: China has not been a particularly fun experience. Whether via outstanding editing and/or actual representation of the game, our gay powerhouse player has looked like he’s been in serious danger of being voted off.

Last week’s previews made it seem like Todd would finally be blindsided by Amanda, who, after masterminding James' unexpected offing, is starting to remind me of the title character in 1950’s Oscar-winning All About Eve. Will our beloved Todd’s torch be snuffed before its time just as Margo Channing’s was by the outwardly meek Eve? If Todd has not seen Bette Davis’ classic tale of deceptive ambition, I hope that he has enough Mean Girls wisdom to finish off what he started.

The show gets to business right away with a Reward Challenge that has the Final 5 using a replica of a 4th Century Chinese crossbow concoction to fire arrows at a target that has their names randomly written on it. To give it a wicked edge, the number of arrows that each player will fire will be based on how each player “secretly” distributes the 5 arrows that they are given. The winner will get to go on an overnight trip, via private jet, to the Great Wall of China.

Out of the total of 25 red roses (wrong show) arrows to be awarded, there are no surprises, as non-challenging Courtney receives a whopping 12 arrows. Outcast Peih-Gee receives only 1. Denise gets 2, Amanda 4, and our Todd 6. If the game were based on acumen, Todd would have won hands down as he was able to hit his own name with 5 out of the 6 arrows that he received. He would have been followed by Courtney and Denise who tied with only one hit each; however since the winner is based on how many times a player's name gets hit, urban hipster Courtney accidentally hits Denise’s name 5 times to give the Lunch Lady her second reward over Todd in as many weeks.  

Denise is allowed to invite two other players to join her in her reward excursion. She picks Courtney  and Todd, who always gets picked by the members of his alliance as they want to be on his good side. Amanda and a whiny Peih-Gee get sent back to camp with nothing. The winning threesome take off on the private jet, and we are entertained by our favorite flight attendant, who works it by welcoming all on board, announcing that they are on “Survivor Airlines Flight 15”, and making reference to how cool the passengers are. All in all, a cute sequence with Todd being the charming man-boy that he is.

***WARNING: SPOILERS***

Survivor is certainly not the water-cooler show that it was when a naked love-to-hate Richard Hatch schemed and plotted to became the show’s inaugural winner during the summer of 2000. If you are not watching this 15^th edition, Survivor: China, you have not only been missing out on its most engaging and competitive outings in years, but also on the strategic play of a 22 year-old gay Mormon flight attendant named Todd Herzog.

Todd has been a force to be reckoned with since he stepped foot in China, and for my money is the most charming, clever, and confident player to ever represent us on this show and has proven that he is much more than the obligatory gay cog in the cast of usual reality TV suspects. He also happens to grace the 2007 year-ending issue of Instinct.

This episode opens immediately after a brutal Tribal Council which resulted in a total blindside offing of James, this edition’s strongest, buffest, and seemingly set in stone player to reach the finals. Every gay man must have needed a little something to take the edge off after watching last week’s episode as Todd’s head was on the line and could have easily been the one sent home.

After some scary night vision footage of the last remaining six players celebrating the end-result of a strategic move that could have backfired in a huge way, the increasingly competitive mullet-sporting “Lunch Lady” states, quite convincingly, that if their move had not succeeded, they “would all be dead'' (and I don’t think that she was even taking into account that James owns a burial service and is a gravedigger).

It was a smart move to get rid of James, but we lost a stunning example of the male form. Here’s a hard-to-find James souvenir image to last you until the next edition of the show, which (***possible gossip-based spoiler***) he is rumored to be a part of. I am a facts man, so the alleged 2^nd All-Star Edition Internet noise is just that until I receive verifiable confirmation.

• Breaking! Magazine cover uses term "Million Dollar" to describe Survivor contestant Todd Herzog. THEY MUST KNOW SOMETHING!!!! Yeah ... like how to get free press.

• Hot off the press, I've got some Brothers & Sisters scoop! Those interested in Kevin's relationship with Jason will definitely want to watch the next couple of weeks. But you have to work for it! This Sunday Kevin is ***** ** **** ******** McCallister ******* ****** ***** to *** *** and ***** **** Scotty.

• Breaking! Magazine cover promises proof as to whether Tom Cruise is gay! I'm sensing a trend here...

• A few more tidbits about Torchwood Season 2 -- Ugly Betty's Alan Dale will guest star, and James Marsters plays a remorseless murderer.

• Hey, look: it's Blair's gay dad and his gay boyfriend from the upcoming Gossip Girl! On ice skates. Figures...

• Brian Williams responded to suggestions that he meant anything anti-gay about his "marriage under attack" comments the other night: "The simple fact is that nothing could have been further from my mind." Nothing? Really? How about ... I don't know, The Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man?

• Torchwood Season 2 will be coming to the States via BBC America starting January 26th.

• Was this the gayest play opening ever? T.R. Knight, Peter Paige, Matthew Rhys and more!

• Finally, for all of you in the U.S. have a very Happy Thanksgiving. We'll be back next Monday!

DAY 16 Zhan Hu

We open with the members of Zhan Hu sleeping peacefully while James moves about early in the morning. You'll notice that James is no longer clad in just underwear. I suspect the show's producers were getting a wee bit nervous about so much man-flesh parading about during the eight o'clock hour. Prison Break decapitations? Kewl! Survivor gratuitous male underwear shots? The children! What about the children?! And later we'll see even more clothing has mysteriously popped up.

In a voice-over Peih-Gee interviews about how brilliant her plan was to get rid of Aaron and by throwing the next challenge they can get rid of James too and be back on a level playing field with Fei Long. She may very well be right, but now that James knows their devious plan, I'm not so sure it's a good idea to let James move around the camp with no one watching him. At least I wouldn't eat any food I didn't see him prepare myself.

James keeps working (and not poisoning anyone as far as I can tell) and interviews that he's not giving up because he wants to be rested for the challenge and to look good to the others. Yeah, that'll help him.

Sorry this week's recap is late! The computer ate my homework. Or something.

Remember how class — or the lack thereof — was the theme of last week's episode? Well, it was classier this week, but as the recap title indicates it wasn't exactly cultured, as you'll see.

It's Day 10 and we start off seeing Jean-Groper deciding he needs to quit being such a slacker around the camp even though he figures Toothpick is still certain to go before him.

Speaking of Toothpick, she seems to have learned zilch from nearly getting axed last time out. You'd think she'd be smart enough to stop getting into spats with Jean-Groper, but when he tries to keep her from burning her hand, she goes all "Don't you take that tone with me!" Fine, let her burn her hand. Maybe there will be a double eviction and they'll both go.

BAD, RICE! BAD!

We then cut to Zhan Hu as the tribe discovers much of their rice has gone moldy. That's gotta hurt. What follows is then a show-down between Dictator Dave and Sherea, now known as Back Up Off Me! (BUOM!) for reasons you'll see shortly.

This week's episode of Survivor is brought to you by the word "class" because that is what it sorely lacked. First we've got half the folks running around in little more than their underwear and sometimes less, as you'll see later. True, that's really not a problem when we're talking about Aaron and James. But when it's Jean-Robert, well, ugh.

BTW, I feel completely justified in snarking on Jean-Robert who is the walking definition of classlessness what with his delightful witticisms and by that I mean crude comments. To start with here is a pic of Fei Long trying to get a good night's sleep on their Serta bamboo log bed.

Thursday night's episode of Survivor: China provided so many possible names for this recap, I could hardly pick one. I considered Survivor: Underwear Model Shoot, Survivor: Mud Wrestling Ain't Just For Chicks, and Survivor: Eat Dave Already. Ultimately, however, I had to go with Broads, Breasts, and Butt-cracks because, well, the above pic about says it all. But I'll get to that in a moment.

Jeff Probst must have got my note last week about pronouncing Zhan Hu correctly because this week I could understand him when he said their name. Even though Zhan Hu got the gift of fire last episode, they still haven't done anything with it because their "leader" Dave insists they make the Ferrari of fire pits constructed out of stone. I guess he must be expecting one of China's many earthquakes or typhoons because he wants a fire pit to stand the tests of time. If he were one of the three little pigs, it's not hard to guess which one he would be.

So while he tries to build a fire pit to make the god's tremble, the others rightfully complain about this being their fourth day without food and shouldn't they just eat already? They are so right and you'll see why later.

Time for the reward challenge!

What looks one part of a giant pinball machine launches giant wooden balls down a chute and into a mud pit when Probst pulls a lever. Teams of three then have to try to push their ball across the opposing team's goal line while trying to keep the other team from doing the same. Gay Todd sits out for Fei Long since he's a tiny flight attendant. Maybe he'll serve beverages later.

And we're off!