AfterElton.com is proud as punch to launch our newest vlog into the gayosphere: That's ANTertainment!

In this exclusive new weekly gay's-eye peek into entertainment, comedian/actor/celebrity weight loss technician ANT dishes on all things queer in the crazy human-sized Habitrail we call Hollywood.

In today's maiden voyage, ANT discusses - what else? - the Oscars, and presents his own theory as to why growing up gay is the surest path to the red carpet.

Enjoy it after the jump!

For more from ANT, head on over to his ANT Colony blog!

Despite the fact that there were no gay characters, gay-themed films, or out actors up for major awards at last night's Oscars, the ceremony managed to be surprisingly gay regardless ... and no, I'm not talking about the 347 musical numbers from Enchanted that perforated the evening.

Most notably, the night was capped by a touching moment for gay visibility. Upon accepting the award for Best Picture for No Country for Old Men, producer Scott Rudin made a point of thanking his partner, John Barlow, by name, and referring to him as "honey". Rudin's reputation as a demanding boss is downright legendary, but he is also responsible for bringing films like The Hours, Clueless, In & Out, Wild Tigers I Have Known, South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, and more to the screen, and I can't remember another time where the man accepting the award for Best Picture thanked his husband.

Another big moment came when filmmakers Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth accepted their award for Best Documentary short for the film Freeheld. The film tells the story of a terminally ill lesbian's battle to have her pension transferred to her partner, and upon accepting the award the two women made a touching plea for equal marriage rights for same-sex couples.

Aside from these moments (between these, David Hyde Pierce's Tony speech, Jodie Foster's awards shout-out and Tina Fey's Emmy speech from last year, awards acceptance speeches are the hot vehicle for gay visibility!), the Jon Stewart-led telecast featured a few other queer highlights and a wonderfully irreverent sensibility overall. My other favorite moment was Jon related that backstage, the Best Original Song winners for Once made their Oscar statues kiss and that when one said, "they're both men" the other noted, "this is Hollywood!" From the looks of this pic, the winners in the acting categories had no such qualms.

Anyone else have any favorite moments? Tilda Swinton's hilarious swipe at George Clooney and Gary Busey attacking Jennifer Garner on the red carpet were definitely the highlights for me. And the fact that movies like Fletch and Top Secret were used in Oscar montages?! Awesome.

The full list of winners is after the break...

We've been grousing that this year's Oscars are the straightest in recent memory, which may be a turnoff for some gay movie/awards show/red carpet lovers. So here are a few simple suggestions to make your Oscar viewing the Gay! Gay! Hollywood! celebration that we love and deserve.

1. Pretend all non-married nominated characters are gay

Remember back before there were gay characters on screen and audiences had to dig for gay subtext with a pickaxe and night goggles? Well, here we are again. So for the purposes of getting through the night alive, pretend that Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood, Michael Clayton, Anton Sigurh from No Country for Old Men, and the old guy from Into the Wild are gay.

Hey, for once not all the gay characters are psychos or and don't all have to die! Sweet...

2. Gay celebrity drinking game

Want to save on your champagne budget this year? Make a drinking game out of every time the broadcast show an out gay man. Granted, this will likely happen only once or twice during the show, depending on whether or not shut-out Hairspray director Adam Shankman could snag a ticket on eBay. So don't blink! 

Hairspray's Nikki Blonsky and Adam Shankman 

3. Rename the nominees with gayer titles

To gay up the fun, refer to the nominees by these titles throughout. (Those who forget go through the spanking machine!)

There Will Be Boy Butter

No Country for Trolled Men

Michael Clay Aiken

Queeney Todd: The Demon Hairdresser of Fleet Street

A Toned Man 

The Diving Bell and the Butt Pirate 

Get Me Away From Her 

What Ever Happened to Baby Juno? 

The Character Assassination of Jesse James by the Bossy Bottom Robert Ford 

4. Stack the deck

Watch the Oscars with as many gay people as possible, for maximum effect. Chances are it will be playing at  your local gay bar/community center/coffee shop/dungeon, so if you don't have any gays at the ready to help you make it through the broadcast, go find some new ones. Safety in numbers! 

That's right, folks: last night the WGA East and West voted to call off the restraining order initiated on Novemeber 5th, and the strike is over. Now all that remains to be seen is what will happen to the capsized television season ... will the survivors make it through the inverted liner to rescue? Will there be a shlocky sequel starring Sally Field and a wretched remake? And most importantly, who will sing the theme song!?

Very little is known at this point, but the biggest news is that the Oscars are still indeed on for Sunday, February 24th, so go ahead and start planning your party menu accordingly (Into the Wild Rice Pilaf! Charlie Wilson's Three-Bean Dip!). ABC had announced previously that their nine most successful shows have already been renewed for next season, which includes Ugly Betty, Brothers & Sisters, Pushing Daisies, Desperate Housewives, Dirty Sexy Money, and basically anything else with a gay, transgender, or vaguely queer actor or character. So all set on that front.

Otherwise the various networks are left to pick up their own pieces. Saturday Night Live will return on February 23rd, but no guest has been announced yet (UPDATE: Tina Fey will host the first episode and Ellen Page will host the following week). And 24 won't be back until 2009, if that matters to anyone anymore.

Long and short of it is that we now have a slew of emergency reality programming to suffer through, and the nets are left scrambling to push some actual quality programming into the pipeline. We'll let you know as we learn more about our faves!