While I was on the ferry home from Provincetown to Boston after a gloriously relaxing 4th of July weekend, I spent a good amount of the trip watching the U.S. Olympic swim trials. Like a wavy fever dream a la Wayne's World I flashed back to the summer of '87 when I had aspirations of donning a speedo and frolicking in the water with a bunch of half naked boys.  Sadly it never came to be and my dreams of becoming an Olympic hopeful went down the toilet in a wad of tissues.

Growing up I was far from what you would call athletic but there were a number of sports that I dabbled in throughout the years.  My brothers and I all raced BMX for the majority of my youth; I like to think it was because I loved the sport but really it may have had something to do with my love of BMX Bandits (hey Nicole Kidman) and RAD (ah, dreamy Bill Allen circa 1986).  Who can tell. 

One year I participated in two separate training camps, one for lacrosse and one for swimming.  Lacrosse was intense and nearly killed me.  By the end of summer, I would have done anything to avoid lacrosse.  If Clueless had come out a good decade earlier I totally would have pulled an Amber: "My plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose."  Alas, I didn't have a witty screenwriter to rescue me so I toughed it out day after day even though I absolutely hated it.

On the flipside was swimming; much like roller skating, in my mind I was a natural born swimmer, destined for greatness.  I would have traded my Holly Hobby Easy-Bake Oven (oh yes, I actually had one... yet another sign) to swim every day. When I wasn't pouring Sun-In on my already way too blonde hair, the lazy days of summer were all about being in the pool and trying to master the dog-paddle my stroke. 

As the summer was coming to a close and the upcoming school year was fast approaching I decided to try out for the swim team.  My stepdad took me to the big scary high school for the initial meeting and once I was seated on the bleachers breathing in the chlorine from the huge Olympic sized pool before me, I was in love.  I was surrounded by all these boys that were just as into the breast stroke as I was and it felt great.  As the Coach gave his schpeal my excitement grew and I couldn't wait for our first practice to begin.

Now, there are a couple things I never thought about when it came to swimming and that's because all of my swim lessons were at our local outdoor pool so I either rode my bike there everyday wearing my suit or was dropped off by my Mother.  It never occurred to me that I would need to get naked and shower amongst other very naked, very healthy boys... honestly, it never once crossed my mind.

I kid you not when I tell you that I only made it through three practices before I quit.  The fear of dying from shame and embarrassment drove me to stop trying to be something more than a recreational swimmer.  I wasn't worried about how I measured up while doing laps or in the showers, I was deathly afraid of the feelings I would have if I was forced to be in close proximity to all those plums and bananas while in the showers. 

The reality of the situation when I look back on it is plain and simple - I was afraid of this...

In a continued effort to bring you all that is important in the world of gay entertainment and ensure that you are being spoon-fed images of gorgeous, commoditized manflesh, we present the newly-minted AfterElton Briefs. Following the usual assortment of carefully-selected news items, interested readers can find a refreshing pic of a hot man in underwear after the jump. Yes, we're serious.

• Can two handsome, young men be friends without everyone speculating they might be gay? Not if Defamer has anything to say about it (via Towleroad.com).

• If you're going to write a spoof article saying that Tom Cruise is gay, it darn well better be hilarious. And this one soooo isn't.

• We were all surprised to learn George Takei was so freakin' hilarious. But can he sing as well?

• The International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission is giving Archbishop Desmond Tutu its 2008 Outspoken Award and it's hard to argue with their choice.

• This article is so gay. And I mean that in the right way.

• MSNBC's Dan Abrams wants to know why the media is so willing to focus on the controversial statements made by Barack Obama's pastor, but ignores the incredible homophobia of one of John McCain's religious supporters. Because they're fair and balanced, silly!

• Dolly Parton's songs are going to be performed on American Idol and she's going to mentor the contestants? Guess I'll have to start watching again!

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