From Hustler White

Will Truman to the newly out-of-the-closet Barry:

""Let me tell you a little secret that we try to keep within the community: Gay movies suck. But until the laws change, we're still obligated to go see 'em."

That quote speaks volumes about the attitude many people have (and yes, I'm aware of the irony of a character from Will & Grace talking about gay entertainment that sucks), but maybe we should cut gay filmmakers some slack.

It must be difficult coming up with the just the right balance of nuanced performances, storyline originality, and soft core porn. Of course, I exaggerate — there are plenty of gay movies that have managed to overcome the burden of being a "gay film" (and please head on over to the AfterElton.com Greatest Gay Movies Poll to cast your vote for your favorites).

But this post is about those movies that didn't succeed. Whether through bad acting, poor production values, lousy scripting, or general ineptitude, these gay filmmakers weren't able to translate their visions successfully to the screen.

Like the last Scraping The Barrel post, these selections are mine, and do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of anyone else at AfterElton.com. So feel free to tell me I'm nuts (I'm looking at you, Copycat fans), and please leave your own selections for the worst of the worst.

Here are eight, in no particular order — and for this list, we'll be using the Anita Bryant scale (with five Anitas being the worst).

Hustler White
I know many people who absolutely adore Hustler White, but once was enough for me. Actually, the movies of Bruce La Bruce have always left me cold. (I picture him waking up in the morning, yawning, and saying "I'm bored ... I think I'll make a movie today.")

There are some bright spots to this tale of a male prostitute (namely Tony Ward and his ... talent), but I'll never forgive Mr. La Bruce for permanently searing that image of the Stump Guy in my mind (trust me, you don't want to know).

Rating:

Lie Down with Dogs
Note to filmmakers: It's probably not a good idea to include the word "dogs" in your film title, as it provides ample opportunity for snarky bloggers to use groan-inducing puns to describe your movie:

"Lie Down With Dogs is a flea-bitten mongrel, and it should be neutered before it reproduces."

"Watching it, I felt like it had slowly lifted its leg on my brain."

"There were more laughs in Cujo, and more sex appeal in Devil Dog: Hound From Hell."

Rating:

See more gay debacles after the break.

Adorable gay designer and Top Design mentor Todd Oldham gets his Pineapple on
(Image: Getty)

In a continued effort to bring you all that is important in the world of gay entertainment and ensure that you are being spoon-fed images of gorgeous, commoditized manflesh, we present the newly-minted AfterElton Briefs. Following the usual assortment of carefully-selected news items, interested readers can find a refreshing pic of a hot man in underwear after the jump. Yes, we're serious.

• In Touch is reporting that they have exclusive confirmation that gay popster Lance Bass will indeed be Lancing With the Stars this season, as speculated earlier. The net is refusing to confirm until August 25th. Also rumored to be in the new cast: Florence Henderson (settle down, Michael!), Kim Kardashian, Toni Braxton and Dan Marino.

• Here's a fun and politically-charged new interview with local fave Cyndi Lauper, who talks about Bush, her work with the gay community and the fact that when she starts talking she's impossible to shut up.

Happy birthday, Andy

• Today would have been Andy Warhol's 80th birthday. The artist/icon died in 1987 of complications following a gallbladder surgery.

• Hey, everybody! Details just discovered an amazing new phenomenon where guys like both men and women. They don't have a name for it, but let's just call it ... I don't know, "bisexual"? Seriously, most pointless article ever.

Horror hotties in Dave DeCoteau's The Raven

• Gay schlockmeister David DeCoteau (and I say that with much love, trust me) has signed a deal with here! TV and Regent Releasing (its sister company) to make 10 gay-themed horror movies and two series in the next two years. Take a moment to do the math and you'll understand why Dante's Cove isn't more meticulously plotted.

• The California Senate has passed a bill to name May 22nd Harvey Milk Day in honor of the slain civil rights leader. The bill is pending a few tweaks and signoff from the governor. Interesting that not a single Republican voted in support of the bill. Wait, did I say "interesting"? I meant "yawwwwwn".

And today's Briefs are brought to you by...

We just got news that the here! gay television network has wrapped production on an adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven, directed by half-naked-boys-in-peril auteur Dave DeCoteau.

You might be familiar with DeCoteau's particular brand of tidy-whitey horror from such movies as The Brotherhood, Leeches, and Voodoo Academy, which lined up scores of Abercrombie-ready fellas and placed them in perilous -- and oftentimes hilariously homoerotic -- situations. Now that DeCoteau is directing for here!, let's hope that the loaded glances and clothing-optional satanic rituals that fill his films graduate to something a little more concrete.

Here's a note from the press release about the film:

Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven, from a screenplay by Matthew Jason Walsh (The Brotherhood), puts a new spin on the gloomy and macabre proceedings of the classic Poe story. The film centers on a group of young men and women in Britain who throw an extravagant party at an eerie mansion said to be the site of an infamous mass-murder. When the festivities are cut short by an ominous visitor, all hell breaks loose. As the murderer begins picking off the party participants one-by-one, old grudges resurface and new suspicions arise, making the entire affair a deadly night to remember.

I've been a fan of DeCoteau since he made the cult classic Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama back in the 80's, and he's an absolute doll besides -- to learn more about this homo horror legend, read our interview with him from last Halloween.

The above pic, by the way, is of Dave directing two young bucks on the set of his film Beastly Boyz. It's a tough job, but somebody's got to do it.