How was your weekend? No, Gay Visibility on Television, I wasn't asking you, because I know yours was pretty wretched. Here are a few highlights...

*-*-SPOILERS-*-*

The Amazing Race: Sorry, Ari!
Michael noted in his column Friday that we heard at the last minute that there actually was a gay man in this season's cast ... and then saw that he didn't make it through the first episode anyway. Glad we bothered. Given that Ari's first words were "Karma's a bitch but I'm an even bigger bitch," it's not surprising that: A) I wasn't too sorry to see him go; and B) He was one-upped by a donkey.

Saturday Night Live: Fumbledore
I was one of the few people who was really excited to see Brian Williams play host on SNL, but I think he's hilarious. And to his credit, he did a great job in all of his roles. But the episode was pretty scattered overall and featured a skit about gay Dumbledore that, had this news not just broken weeks ago, I would have sworn was written and taped in about 2001. Gay wizard bars? Ugh...

Initially it seemed the joke was that everyone was taking the whole Dumbledore news way more seriously than author J.K. Rowling, whose repeated reply to Larry King in the skit was that he is a fictional character. But the abysmal fake outtakes from the films didn't play to that gag at all. Considering how well SNL has been doing with its gay jokes this season, this was a disappointment.

To view the skit, head on over here.

Desperate Housewives: Neighborhood Beeotch
The Desperate Househusbands served one function in last night's episode: to throw a fabulous party. Check that one off the list. Oh, wait ... they also got to make bitchy comments to the other characters and freak out about their rug being ruined.

Really? This is what all the fuss is about? And what's with the scenes with Eva Longoria feeling like they were filmed on another planet or something ... what, is she quarantined?

That tornado can't come fast enough...

Talk, drama, and a little bit of sketch. It sounds like most of my past relationships, but it's actually today's gay television offerings...

Live with Regis and Kelly (Syndicated) Check local listings
Eric and Danielle -- who just won The Amazing Race All-Stars a few days ago -- appear on Regis and Kelly to gloat. In case you've forgotten, Eric is the homophobic jerk who likes being photographed half-naked with his friends at parties. These two have apparently split since the filming ended.

The Tyra Banks Show (Syndicated) Check local listings
Hot off of gay-baiting Ross the Intern, Tyra jumps back into Oprah mode with a show about transgendered individuals. Is it just me, or is this topic getting quite a lot of mainstream exposure these days? Nice!

Work Out (Bravo) 10:00PM EDT
Last week's episode, in which the trainers learned of the severity of Doug's situation and Jackie reconnected with her mother, was downright brutal (the last scene where Brian Peeler told the others about Doug was one of the most harrowing things I've seen on television in years). Fittingly, the season has shifted enormously since the premiere from wacky dating hijinks to serious soul-searching -- in this finale (except for the reunion episode), the group goes on a retreat to deal with Doug's passing.

The Big Gay Sketch Show (Logo) 10:00PM EDT
Cast member Michael Serrato (whom you may remember as the horrifyingly dead-on Mrs. Garrett in last week's Facts of Life spoof) shines again as a male Edith Bunker (it's really something to behold) and an overaggressive PFLAG mom trying to get her son a date with a cute waiter. There's also a funny lesbian phone sex service skit.

Friday the 13th doesn't always mean bad luck -- look at all the gay television programming we have coming down the pike! Pull yourself away from the hockey-mask-filled slasher movies and check out some of these picks.

Friday

The Henry Rollins Show (IFC) 10:30PM EDT
As though eternally-hunky (and incredibly gay-friendly) hardcore poet Rollins weren't enough reason to turn in, on tonight's show Henry welcomes gay-fave electroclash diva Peaches to perform. I've seen this gal a half-dozen times, and she always pulls out something fabulous -- totally worth checking out.

Saturday

The U.S. of ANT Marathon (Logo) 11:30AM - 3:00PM EDT
If you're a fan of gay comic ANT and his roadtripping show, here's a chance to catch a handful of back-to-back episodes. He's much funnier when he's not corralling overweight celebrities, isn't he?

Andy Barker, P.I. (NBC) 8:30PM EDT
You know, this Andy-Richter-starring sitcom is actually much funnier and smarter than you'd expect. And tonight the private investigator and his bumbling friends welcome Amy Sedaris (Strangers with Candy) as a guest-star, as Lew's former girlfriend who has spent 40 years in prison. She kinda goes for those former inmate roles, doesn't she?

Sunday

The Staircase Murders (Lifetime) 8:00PM EDT
I wrote a reviewlet of this based-on-true-events pulper yesterday, which stars Treat Williams as a bisexual novelist accused of murdering his wife -- and then things get complicated.

The Amazing Race (CBS) 8:00PM EDT
Gay pals Danny and Oswald are still in the race.

Brothers & Sisters (ABC) 10:00PM EDT
It's game night at the Walker house, and time for Kevin to meet someone new -- Senator McBoringpants' bother, Jason (Eric Winter, pictured at left looking thoughtfully gorgeous). Let me go ahead and guess that "friendly competition" is not a concept that either of these families really understands.

UPDATE: Whoops -- I don't have any of that fancy-shmancy "premium cable" gobbledygook, so I totally spaced on this weeks' gay-centric Entourage. Thanks to Michael for the tip (and, um, the job)...

Entourage (HBO) 10:00PM EDT
In tonight's episode, Lloyd (Rex Lee), the gay assistant to Ari (Jeremy Piven), shows just how far he'd go to help his boss -- and reveals how complex their relationship really is.

Another weekend, another chance to pack in the home-improvement marathons, infomercials, and golf tournaments. Woo-hoo!

If you're in the market for something a little more interesting, here are a few picks for the weekend of March 30th.

Friday

Martha (syndicated) Check local listings
Gay fashion designer Zac Posen will be Martha's guest. He'll likely be helping Martha to pick out a summer look, and she'll be helping him to find where his missing "k" is. No, not THAT kind of "k", you degenerates, the "k" in his name! And no, not "Degeneres", "degenerates"! Oh, forget it...

Open Bar (Logo) 4:00PM - 7:00PM EDT
Fans of the gay bar reality show take note: there's a marathon of the series, in which newly-out Tyler Robuck opens the bar ICandy in West Hollywood. Begs to be turned into a drinking game: do a shot whenever Robuck refers to his fraternity.

Saturday

Flight 93 (The History Channel) 8:00PM EDT
Much like the excellent United 93, this made-for-television movie takes a look at what might have transpired on the 9/11 flight that didn't reach its intended target. Gay rugby player Mark Bingham is played here by Ty Olsson (pictured at left). Nominated for several Emmys, won one (for sound).

Sunday

The Amazing Race (CBS) 8:00PM EDT
The two gay teams are still in the running (take that, Top Design!), but there's no telling for how long. In this episode the teams have to do something challenging and end up bickering in the process.

Brothers & Sisters (ABC) 10:00PM EDT
Kevin (Matthew Rhys) is still having a go at things with Chad (Jason Lewis), Senator McCallister (Rob Lowe) does something unexpected, and Nora (Sally Field) tries to build bridges with her dead husband's daughter and with a college professor. In the latter case, "build bridges" means "get busy".

****Spoiler Alert****

Even though I had to stay up to late to watch it, I was determined to blog about The Amazing Race first thing today! And I did it! (Thanks heavens my flight to NYC was on time!) Anyway, I watched the show and while I'm not big Joe and Bill fans, I was still on the edge of my seat as they raced Teri and Ian to the finish line for the final spot. Okay, part of my wanting them to win was because I didn't want to have arrange an interview with them first this morning, but it was also because they are interesting to have in the race and because I'd love to see an All Gay final two. Wouldn't that be a hoot!

Danny and Oswald were their usual hilarious selves at one point holding up a clue and joking they were hand models. My favorite moment came as they were in Zanzibar sitting by a dock in the middle of the night and had the following exchange:

Danny: What are you doing on this lonely dock in the middle of the night?

Oswald: Waiting for a boat.

Danny: Looking for some company? I come cheap.

Of course, there were a whole slew of other funny lines from those two. They managed to finish second--woo hoo! Plus they again showed what nice guys they are helping out Charla as she hurled over the side of a boat. Even though they finished last, Joe and Bill are definitely still in the running. Our brand new Amazing Race moderator Queer Two Cents has just put a recap of the whole episode you can read in The Amazing Race forum!