Mark and Chelsie in a standoff

So You Think You Can Dance has been krumpin' its way through Season 4 for a couple weeks now so I'm incredibly pleased to finally bring a recaplet to AfterElton.com!  You're probably asking yourself why it took three weeks of competition before we had a recap and the answer is simple... I've been riding Mary Murphy's Hot Tamale Train and just now had a moment to jump off and rehash the incredible performance and elimination episodes. (Ed: If "riding Mary Murphy's Hot Tamale Train" is a euphemism ... I don't want to know.)

Welcome to So You Think You Can Dance (dance, dance, dance)!

For those of you at home that are not SYTYCD fans, you're really missing out.  If you happen to be a die-hard Dancing with the Stars fan, you're insane, and I beg of you to tune in next Wednesday night and witness the brilliance.  Honestly, the kids on SYTYCD are in a completely different league and if this was Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, Ozone and Enzo would be wiping the floor with that Christy Yamaguchi chick.  Sho'nuff...

As for comparisons to Step It Up and Dance or America's Best Dance Crew (I adore both), they're so different that you can't really compare them.

You'll find that my recaps are a little less about the technical side of dancing and a little about the snarky "oh no she didn't wear that" side of watching one of the gayest non-gay shows on television.  The only dance background I have involves a grade school talent show and something I got paid for during college that we do not want to mention here. Oh wait, curses...

Each season I pick a SYTYCD TV BOYFRIEND and I blog about all the dirty little things I'd like to do to those boys. It's harmless fun.  That's always a little awkward when we eventually meet or one of their sisters contacts me and hooks me up with backstage passes to the tour. (Enablers!)

Season 2's choice was the incredible Travis Wall and last season it was that cutie-patootie Neil Haskell. I'm still in the market for a Season 4 boytoy so I'm open for suggestions. Right now I'm leaning towards Twitch, Mark, or choreographer Napoleon ... so many choices, so little time!

Before we move onto the competition, I must say how incredibly fierce host Cat Deeley is.  The glamazon dances worse than Ellen but is hands down the best reality show host in the world.  She's gorgeous, funny, a fashion template and most importantly a goddess Mother to each and every one of the kids on the show.  She calls them he r"babies" and that, my friends, is adorable!

Host Cat Deeley

This week, one of my favorite guest Judges was back, Mr. Adam Shankman.  The Shank is loud, out and proud up there from the Judges podium and the man brings this incredible energy, honesty and knowledge to the show.  Judge Mary Murphy looked less like a Flintstones drag queen this week but still her make-up was heavy and that bedazzled dress a hot mess.

The dance world lost Cyd Charisse this past week and Exec. Producer/Judge Nigel Lythgoe said some kind words about the dancing legend.  For a show that is heavily watched by tweens (and me), I thought it was a nice touch and the clips they showed hopefully inspired one or two viewers to learn more about her.

Now on with the show...

We've been grousing that this year's Oscars are the straightest in recent memory, which may be a turnoff for some gay movie/awards show/red carpet lovers. So here are a few simple suggestions to make your Oscar viewing the Gay! Gay! Hollywood! celebration that we love and deserve.

1. Pretend all non-married nominated characters are gay

Remember back before there were gay characters on screen and audiences had to dig for gay subtext with a pickaxe and night goggles? Well, here we are again. So for the purposes of getting through the night alive, pretend that Daniel Plainview from There Will Be Blood, Michael Clayton, Anton Sigurh from No Country for Old Men, and the old guy from Into the Wild are gay.

Hey, for once not all the gay characters are psychos or and don't all have to die! Sweet...

2. Gay celebrity drinking game

Want to save on your champagne budget this year? Make a drinking game out of every time the broadcast show an out gay man. Granted, this will likely happen only once or twice during the show, depending on whether or not shut-out Hairspray director Adam Shankman could snag a ticket on eBay. So don't blink! 

Hairspray's Nikki Blonsky and Adam Shankman 

3. Rename the nominees with gayer titles

To gay up the fun, refer to the nominees by these titles throughout. (Those who forget go through the spanking machine!)

There Will Be Boy Butter

No Country for Trolled Men

Michael Clay Aiken

Queeney Todd: The Demon Hairdresser of Fleet Street

A Toned Man 

The Diving Bell and the Butt Pirate 

Get Me Away From Her 

What Ever Happened to Baby Juno? 

The Character Assassination of Jesse James by the Bossy Bottom Robert Ford 

4. Stack the deck

Watch the Oscars with as many gay people as possible, for maximum effect. Chances are it will be playing at  your local gay bar/community center/coffee shop/dungeon, so if you don't have any gays at the ready to help you make it through the broadcast, go find some new ones. Safety in numbers! 

So you may have heard by now that the Golden Globes ceremony, easily the most interesting televised major awards show, has been essentially canceled. Yes, the red carpet has been rolled up, the parties have been nixed, and the doling out of the awards has been slashed to a press conference helmed by NBC News. Oh wow, how exciting! Please tell me Ryan Seacrest will be there to ask Brian Williams who he's wearing.

In related news, tonight's People's Choice Awards have similarly been downgraded to the reading of a leaflet at the Beverly Center, or the like. We were actually looking forward to PCA nominee Neil Patrick Harris rocking the red carpet with David Burtka (they do clean up so nicely!) but it looks like there will be none of that.

In fact, there may be none of anything, at this point. Aside from the SAG Awards (which worked out an interim deal with the writers, big surprise!), no other awards shows are a sure thing at this point, including our beloved, bloated Oscars. So like so many of you who are stocking up for a potentially starvation-inducing lean stretch of clumsy acceptance speeches and formal attire misfires, I actually watched the Critics' Choice Awards last night on VH1 and am here to share the highlights.

You can thank me later for taking this one for the team.

Aside from boasting possibly the worst host in the history of awards shows (D.L. Hughley) and the worst written jokes to go along with him (please settle with the writers, studios!! We can't take much more of this!), the affair was a complete trainwreck start to finish. They turned the lights off on Marisa Tomei, Feist and Snoop Dogg had no microphones, and the presenters all looked like the teleprompters were making fun of them. What, are the stagehands on strike again, too?

The highlights of the evening were thus:

We seem to be on a teen roll of late what with all the discussion of gay teens in last week's BEST.GAY.WEEK.EVER! column as well as the latest edition of our vlog Two Gay Guys, so I thought I might as well do a pic post form this weekend's "Teen Choice Awards". The upset of the night occurred when PBS beat out MTV for the "All Time Rockingest Network Ever" award. Okay, that didn't happen, but for all I know it could have since I didn't actually tune in. Frankly, anyone over the age of twenty-five who watches strikes me a little dodgy.

Neil Patrick Harris of How I Met Your Mother was up for best actor in a comedy, but, alas, he didn't win. However, Will Ferrell did win for the gay-friendly Talladega Nights. The gay-seeming villain God King from 300 wasn't even up for best villain, so I'm happy about that. All the winners can be found here! Now on to the pics!

Olympic speed skater Apolo Anton Ohno of Dancing With the Stars was up for best male reality star...

but lost to Sanjaya Malakar of American Idol. Yay, Sanjaya!

I've no idea why Ryan Reynolds (The Nine) was there, but I'm glad he was. I think he won for best facial hair.

The out Adam Shankman, director of Hairspray with his lead actress Nikki Blonsky.

All my friends hate me now.

I got to see a rough partial screening of Hairspray Thursday night - yes, THE Hairspray, the new musical film of the musical stage show of the original 1988 John Waters film.

And yeah, John Travolta plays the Divine role of Edna Turnblad and yeah, that didn't work so much for me, but the rest of it? Divine is smiling down from heaven.

Director Adam Shankman - one of the most powerful gay men in Hollywood, or as he called himself last night, "Just a chorus boy who got a better job" - introduced the screening, his voice actually quivering with nervousness. It was kind of adorable. As was his comment that John Waters (who has a cameo in the film) told him, "Don't make the original movie. Don't make the play. Make what you have inside."