ABC News just ran one of the more infuriating stories I've seen in quite a while. In conjunction with their quizzically intense recent coverage of the Jim McGreevey scandal (which is sooooo 2004, no matter how many shameless tell-alls are written about it), they've run a hilariously boogeyman-heavy "IS YOUR HUSBAND GAY?!?!?" article that's both staggeringly behind the times and mind-bogglingly thoughtless. Two great tastes that taste great together, right?

The piece essentially alerts readers that out there right now, wearing heterosexual clothes and driving heterosexual cars (don't know what those are? Read this.), there are seething hoards of secret homosexual spouses biding their time until they spring out of their closets, resign from public office, and generally ruin their families' lives. And one of them could be sleeping in your bed!

It's the "McGreevey Effect", y'all. And in the hands of ABC News, it's got all the makings of a bad B-movie.

WATCH! -- as a currently closeted man using a pseudonym bemoans his horrible existence as though there were any other way to spin it and then return to the Dark Side:

"I need to look at my responsibility and the impact on my children," George said. "Do I really want my daughters to see me throw their mother in the trash can? I can see myself married to my wife for the next 20, 30, 40 years. … And I want her to be my wife."

MARVEL! -- as Bonnie Kaye, author of Is He Gay? A Checklist for Women Who Wonder, shares her keen insights on the inner workings of the universally self-loathing gay mind:

And why do so many gay men and women get married? "Because people don't want to be gay," Kaye said. "It's a very hard way to live. Guys who get married are hoping that if they love their wife enough, that love will change their sexuality."