Last week on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, her highness moved into a modeling house and once again tormented her loyal and adoring models by pitting them against the newbies to see who stays and who goes. 

Janice gives Christian a bitch love tap

This week we pick up right where we left off; the current models are losing their minds.  Maurice, Dominic, CC and Crystal have their panties in a bunch but it's Christian that gets slapped across the face for making fun of Martin Ritchie.  Why do people put up with her Mommie Dearest schtick?  Seriously, someone needs to slap her back! You can't run a business and go around slapping your employees, period.  She's ridiculous and I'm sorry I love it.

Before we move on, I guess I have to address the fact that my newest TV Boyfriend and I have already broken up.  I'm fine, send money instead of flowers if you must but we're through.  If you haven't heard, JDMA's deaf and gay model and my now TV Ex has a hidden past.  That's right kids, Martin Ritchie has been in porn.  (Sorry, can't link to it here, but Google him and you'll find it.)

Sure, it's nothing new for Janice to have a gay porn model in her agency but it was too much for me to handle so we're through.  I live in Massachusetts folks, I'm part Pilgrim what can I tell ya?

Alright, you can Google away and come back when you've satisfied the curiosity (if you must) but I'm moving forward kiddies!

The first night in the house is Modeling 101 which consists of stripper poles, weight consultations and yeast infections.  It's like college all over again! 

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency... oh come on, you don't think I could recap the glamour, the glitz, the bitch slaps, the gay dates,  the Peter drama, and the onslaught of male nudity that was Season 3, did you?  Instead let's just get right into the Season 4 premiere.

Janice kicks off the show with what else but a casting.  It seems like she's always looking to stir the pot and if that means kicking half of the models out each season, so be it.  Back are her trusty faves:  J.P. Calderon, Crystal, CC,  Kehoe, Traci, Dominic, Christian, Payton, Maurice, Danny and a slew of other models are back, not to mention poor Sorin who's still wearing that damn "Security" half-shirt.  I hope she pays that boy in needle and thread.

Martin Ritchie

Yeah, like that'll last.

J.P. Calderon, Crystal Truehart, Janice Dickinson, and Nathan Fields

In a continued effort to bring you all that is important in the world of gay entertainment and ensure that you are being spoon-fed images of gorgeous, commoditized manflesh, we present the newly-minted AfterElton Briefs. Following the usual assortment of carefully-selected news items, interested readers can find a refreshing pic of a hot man in underwear after the jump. Yes, we're serious.

• At top, Janice Dickinson, JP Calderon, Janice's son and some other model one of Janice's fave female models post at a recent "walk-off" publicity event in NYC to promote tonight's season premiere. Pretend you didn't miss them!

• I don't even know what the ATP World Tour is, but if it involves a calendar with shirtless tennis players, it's alright by me.

• A new exhibition at the British Library includes some revealing information about how gay characters and themes have been suppressed in the theatre. Quite!

• Above, from our newsy sib site, 365Gay: HIV/AIDS is spreading in parts of the South at alarming rates, in two communities in particular. Randall Pinston has the story.

• Am I the only one who thinks that Chris Matthews might want to try some Activia before he jumps into any Senatorial races?

And today's Briefs are brought to you by...

The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency is back next week on Oxygen, and this season she's adding a new gay model to the mix: Martin. Martin is also the first deaf model to appear on the show, and it will no doubt be interesting to see how navigating a modeling career may hold special challenges for a deaf person. Janice is also moving in with the models this season, adding a Big Brother-style element to the show ... which of course is just guaranteeing trouble. (Like last season, we'll be there to follow every disastrous minute with weekly blog recaplets.)

Martin signs for, with Janice

Returning to the show for another season is gay model J.P. Calderon, who of course once appeared on Survivor and has since come out. Last year's gay couple, Sean and Paul, were not invited back for a second season, and Rodrigo (who it turned out had a career in gay porn before joining the herd) is also MIA.

JDMA returns on August 26th. For now, enjoy some more pics of Martin and J.P. after the jump!

The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency has been many things over the past three seasons but boring has never been one of them - until last week's coma-inducing first half of the two part Season 3 Finale.

Somehow they took a recipe that worked wonders for them all season (one part diva mixed with two parts male nudity topped with a whole handful of crazy), threw it out the window (possibly with the remainder of Janice's tummy tuck) and decided to take a new and somewhat more serious approach to the campiest reality show on television. I was bored to tears at watching the models head to Miami as Janice tries to branch out into other markets. Even watching Traci try to sabotage CC was unsatisfying and trust me, I love me some conniving bitchery so I should have been over the moon but something was missing. I'm guessing nudity but what do I know.

Nevertheless, I'm a JDMA lover and long time devotee so I went into Part 2 with an open mind and a belly full of Thin Mints (you can barely taste the Girl Scouts in them) hoping that the show would be back on track. Sadly I have to report that the JDMA Crazy Train remains derailed.

Gone are the days of J.P.'s struggle to come out or his canoodling with Rodrigo at the amusement park and savoring the sensation of a foot long in their mouths. Long lingering shots of peach fuzzy butts and treasure trails are almost a distant fading memory at this point. I miss the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency that always guaranteed a heavy dose of homo(erotic) activity and gay goodness to lull me to sleep on a Tuesday night.

The episode starts where it ended last week - with the models finding out they'll be participating in a late night Ed Hardy panty raid lingerie/underwear fashion show. Sounds promising, no?

On the last installment of The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, the gang showed that compassion is the fashion in a naked protest with PETA, Janice got all plastic surgerized with a new tummy tuck, and casting for the upcoming Ed Hardy show led to a near knock down between Janice and Stuttering John Peter Hamm leaving god-like Dominic and cute as a button J.P. in the middle. Did this weeks JDMA up the queer quotient or at least deliver some skin to make up for last week's dreadful showing?

Cue the music "Do your thang whatever it is that you do..."

You remember where we left off right? Dominic flashed some skin, J.P. batted his eyelashes, newbie Payton showed some 18 year old stamina and Janice was having the time of her life with good friend Christian Audigier at the Ed Hardy casting. That is until her Business Partner and all around wet noodle Peter Hamm waltzes in telling Janice that Dominic and J.P. are already booked for a 2xist job.

If this show wasn't one big set up after another I would worry about the communication breakdown but seeing how this show makes The Hills look like a Pulitzer Prize winning documentary of chance and circumstance, I have to chalk it all up for dramatic effect and client exposure.

Peter explains to J.P. and Dominic that Dom has been booked for 2xist in Vegas for a month (truth) and that just that morning our main gay was placed on hold (possible lie) which would leave both boys with conflicts and Janice in a pickle. If Janice is good at anything it's her way around a pickle and she tells Audigier to book any model he wants regardless.

The models head to Vegas and there's all the drama we've come to expect from a JDMA outing. Janice is inappropriate about Daria's marriage situation. Desiree and Janice continue their secret pissing contest to see which one cracks first in the battle for R-E-S-P-E-C-T. There's the partying and drinking which Janice is constantly trying to halt. There's a pool so you know Janice is "falling" into it somehow. Then there's the beauty that these men have to be shirtless around each other as much as possible. What's that all about?

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, we finally saw the full beauty of the crack addicted Ruffskin shoot and were treated to the sweetness that was J.P. Calderon's blind date with fellow gay model Rodrigo De Carli.

So far this season The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency has delivered some incredibly fun, incredibly nude, and incredibly gay themed episodes ... but sadly all good things have to come to an end. This week JDMA delivers its most humdrum episode to date, which is incredible given that part of the episode involves the models taking it all off to protest fur!

But before the hotties hit Hollywood Boulevard in the buff we have to check back in on poor timid Erika, who was last seen being berated and belittled by Jack Henry's Tia Browsh. (If you recall, newbie Erika was stiff and taking too long to get comfy in front of the camera and the client was getting testy.) In between clips of Tia telling Erika to be more "gangsta" Janice walks in the door and I fear for all parties involved. Thankfully, Janice's first instinct is to argue and we get some hysterical sound bites that are just pure JDMA genius...

Previously on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Oxygen endlessly teased us with lingering shots of Danny, Christian, Michael and Maurice all oiled up and lying atop one another only to leave us to filthy our imaginations for another week.

Thankfully, JDMA delivered the goods last night and we were given all-access passes to the guns and buns show - I mean, the Ruffskin shoot. Photographer Justin Monroe ordered the guys to do some sit-ups and push-ups to supposedly maximize the bulk and to bring the intensity needed for this gay-themed campaign, but who's he kidding?  The amount of butt cleavage was obscene and this was all for the show, baby!

First up, Christian gives us a new take on the classic Americana "hot guy holding tires" picture and I'd kill to see Norman Rockwell paint a version of this scene or to see it hanging up in gay-owned body shops across the Midwest.  The first group shots show my TV Boyfriend Danny Nunez feeling a little self conscious and overshadowed by the other models.

Janice pulls him aside and tells Danny that the others are "blowing him away" and that he needs to be "ferocious" and "ramming" so that he stands out in the photos. I'm not sure if terms like "blowing," "ferocious," or "ramming" are the right adjectives to motivate a straight man like Danny into selling himself in this uber-homoerotic shoot but hell if it didn't work!  Within minutes it's like a Waffle House menu up in that place: the boys are slathered, stacked, buttered and smothered on top of each other and I'm suddenly craving a JDMA model super-stack with extra Danny on the side.

Growing up I never thought that a jockstrap could be so damned sexy but seeing it in the mouth of a straight man is a dream fetishes are made of.  Too bad that the incessant straight talk kills my buzz; every chance possible the models take the opportunity to remind us that they're married or so not gay which is fine and all but I also don't need Janice ramming it down our throats (uh-hum) every five seconds either.  

Thankfully she counters with the following statement:

"We're not a homophobic agency, obviously"

Nothing gayer than a pile of straight men, right?

Last night on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency - wait, let's rewind shall we?

Hello AfterElton.com readers, I'm Dan (but you can call me Ducky). I'm a little crazy about TV but not nearly as crazy as Janice Dickinson (very few are and that's why we love her). Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency (JDMA) is the next best thing to having a live 24/7 video feed of Britneygate 2008 and I seriously can't get enough. This is my first JDMA recap so I hope you like it. All I ask is that you don't start throwing champagne bottles; we can't encourage Janice's behavior, right? Wonderful, on with the show!

Thankfully JDMA picks right up where it left off last week, and we don't miss a single moment of claw sharpening or over-whitened teeth baring as Janice continues to clash with designer Ashley Paige beach side. Am I the only one that thought Janice was trying to drown Ashley Paige at the end of the shoot? Please, that camera cut before they resurfaced so anything is possible. All I want to know is if anyone has seen Ashley Paige since? Do we need a search party? Who's bringing the wine and cheese for that sort of thing? And what does one wear for such an adventure ... are those arm floaties out of style?

It wouldn't be JDMA without Janice getting all "motherly" with her models and tonight is no exception. As we've all suspected for weeks now, the bruises and cuts all over the impossibly adorable Alexis are not your typical tomboy scrapes. Janice gets Alexis to admit that she became a cutter at the age of 14 and that her childhood was traumatic, to say the least. The large burn on her backside is not really from a car accident but from a curling iron.

I'm not going to lie, I was a little worried how she'd handle Alexis' issues because it's not beyond Janice to just tell her to suck it up and storm off in her 6 inch heels. Luckily, Janice takes the time to open up about her own issues with her father and her self destructive behaviors. It's actually a really touching moment until Janice takes the opportunity to pimp her book. Hello!

The teasers going into the commercial breaks keep tempting us with half naked male models in denim jockstraps and chaps so imagine my delight when the first thing we see coming out of the commercial is ... Janice's marble-mouthed son, Nathan.

Seriously, where's the skin?

Out and proud Andrew Christian builds an empire

Last time on The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency ... More un-blurred gratuitous male nudity than the sum total of the show’s first two seasons, and a would-be cliffhanger involving Janice's new pet project, Dominique, who did not want to pose nude in front of the sweetest octogenarian art students this side of St. Olaf. The girl seems be a little slow on the uptake, as bad-boy model Brian Kehoe already told her that JDMA = nudity. Could it be any clearer?

As the first show of 2008 opens, we learn that Domie was allowed to keep her panties on and uses ridiculous props to cover herself. I could care less as it wasn’t like it was JP, CC or Dominic.  Once we’re done with Domi, we are taken back to the agency where Janice is having a casting meeting with Ashley Paige, a stylist turned mega-hip designer known for beyond expensive knit swimwear.

I carefully check all of Janice’s “clients” and follow up whether the show is being forthright about its claims and Janice is 100% correct here as this hippie-chick’s stuff is worn by every celebritard in Los Angeles, and her latest collection received a standing ovation during Mercedes Benz Fashion Week. A bunch of girl models are brought out and it’s clear that this woman knows what she’s looking for. She wants tomboys, freckles and skinny girls, and actually asks for "a stick" at one point. Is she looking for someone to wear a swimsuit or something for her dog to fetch?