What To Do On The Allure Of The Seas? Let Your Atlantis "Cruising" Director Fill You In!

I could just stare at these guys all week, but it might get creepy.

I admit it: I've never been on a cruise. It always seemed so limited. What would I do all day? Especially now, because not having internet access might feel like losing a limb. But it turns out I probably won't even notice, because the more I look at this ship, the more I realize that this isn't The Love Boat. This is an Atlantis cruise.

The Allure of the Seas is just massive - one of the largest ships on the planet, with 17 decks that will play home to over 5,000 guests, and none of them your Uncle Sal and Aunt Norma. It has not only a surfing simulator, but also an ice rink. A zip line, but also four pools for me to lie in front of and take in the scenery. It even has seven neighborhoods for the public spaces because it's so large, with a Boardwalk and a Central Park.

While I've never been on a cruise, I know a lot of people who have, and the thing they all seem to talk about, even before the views or the destinations, is the food. The Allure has 13 restaurants, so swimsuit season or not, I'm probably going to be on Team Eat. Maybe I can find someone looking for a chubby boy at the end of the cruise?

Of course, if I take part in some of the daytime activities, I might be able to work some of that off. Surfers have great abs, right? There are the two FlowRider Surf Simulators to fall on, a zip line, gyms, and frankly just hiking from one place to another on this monster of a boat should prove to be great exercise ... if I skip the elevators and take the stairs.

I mean, I have to do some of this stuf,f right? I can't just waste seven days lying in front of one of the pools, right? Miniature golf is the only golf I can play without injuring myself or others. Hey, is that a stage show of Madagascar? Because you know how much I love cartoons. Ooh, cupcakes!