Who Would You Make Disappear?

Following the news can get frustrating at times, leading to yelling and throwing things at the TV. The news has been pretty frustrating lately and, aside from distracting ourselves with thoughts about hot political reporters, we've also discussed, er, less positive distractions.

Thus, the latest topic discussion in the AE breakroom has turned out to be: If you were omnipotent and could make the world a better place by snapping your fingers and making three people simply disappear - which three people would they be?

Note: Absolutely no violence implied or intended - it would be just as if your three choices had never existed at all.

Brent Hartinger

You're promising me this doesn't have a "twist" ending, like an episode of The Twilight Zone or that horrible movie, The Box? If I play God, I'm not going to be eliminating the person who would've saved me from drowning next week, right?

It's tempting to say some right-wing blowhard like Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck, but I honestly believe right-wing blowhards will always exist — they'll just shift forms. They're like the Hero with a Thousand Faces, except they're the opposite of heroes.

So I'm going with the Koch brothers (extreme right-wing billionaires who are funding all kinds of incredibly regressive political projects, including the Tea Party), Rupert Murdoch (who owns Fox News), and Jeb Bush because — as utterly incredible as this seems to me! — I actually think he'd have a really easy time being elected president.

Rupert Murdoch

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Chris O'Guinn

I'm not entirely certain that this sort of meme will make us look good to the world at large, but sure, I'll play.

Chief Justice Roberts and associate Justice Scalia. This would remove two hardliners from the bench and give the Dems a chance to put their own person in the Chief seat. Putting the Court in the hands of the liberals for a few decades would make it so social and political change could happen and people could get used to it. I'd love to add Alito to the list, but I'll settle for those two.

And Fred Phelps. I agree with Brent that these sorts of people will always exist, but I really don't like the idea that Phelps is taking up oxygen that could go to a more worthwhile living creature — like a cockroach.

Fred Phelps

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BriOut

Well, it's tempting to name an ex or some former boss who was a complete asshat, but I'll use my powers for the greater good... but it's so damn tempting... No, no, no.

Karl Rove would disappear in a heartbeat.

Charlie Sheen would have to go, too. Though he's doing a good job of that, himself.

And finally the guy who dreamt up all those Teen Choice award shows. I swear if I have to hear another acceptance speech from one of those smug, hipster Twilight actors, I'm going to have an aneurysm.

Karl Rove and Stephen Colbert