It's Summer, So Must be Time to Kill Some Brain Cells With "Big Brother!"

It’s time for a brand new season of that CBS show that just won’t die: Big Brother! I personally support any show that lets me peek into the living rooms, bedrooms, and showers of complete strangers without night-vision goggles, a grappling hook, and the fear of a restraining order. Those things are so annoying! Especially the restraining orders.

In case you’ve somehow missed the show (what are doing with your summer evenings, reading books? Talking with your boyfriend?), here is the drill: Thirteen contestants are locked in a house, every inch of which is under the watchful gaze of cameras for 75 days. The housemates form alliances, lie, cheat, and sex their way up to a $500,000 prize.

Think of it like politics, only with nicer people.

Every week the Big Brother contestants compete to see who will win the title of Head of Household (usually referred to as HoH). The HoH gets the honor of choosing the two housemates up for elimination that week.

The competitions to earn HOH are your garden variety matchups, the sort of chores any of us might do around the house. For example, this week contestants rode giant hotdogs across foam coals while being hosed down with ketchup and mustard. Which is something most of us probably did over the Fourth of July weekend.

Insert your own homoerotic comment

This season, a twist was added: amongst the shiny teeth and tanned, toned bodies lurks a “saboteur!” as the unnecessary host, Julie Chen, informed us every six minutes in the season opener. The hidden mole wreaks havoc around the house and makes “appearances” in the form of obscured videos where his or her voice has been mutated to sound like that guy from the Saw movies. Or Harvey Fierstein.

Initial standouts for the season include out contestant Ragan Fox. Ragan is a chipper sprite with a PhD in Communication Studies. We’ve since also learned about openly bisexual Annie who has decided to hide this fact from the other housemates.

In a surprisingly touching moment, during the second episode, Annie secretly came out to Ragan. They shared a tender hug and Annie cried a few tears. Are these real tears shared amongst the gays or are they merely acting tears? Damn you, CBS, and your twists!

Ragan and Annie

Speaking of how the gay factor might play out this season, at one point, Britney, an Arkansas hotel sales manager, heard Ragan speak and proclaimed that the second he opened his mouth, she knew he was “obviously a flaming homosexual” and that “those are my people!”