Two New Syfy Programs, "Warehouse 13" (Third Season Premiere), and "Alphas": One Works, One Totally Sucks

It's been a rough year for fans of TV sci-fi. I really, really tried to like The Cape, V, No Ordinary Family, and The Event, but in the end, I was undone by the crappy, uninvolving scripts. Just because I love sci-fi doesn't mean I'm an idiot.

And don't get me started on Falling Skies. I've been told that it gets a lot better after the two-hour premiere movie. Then again, someone says that about almost every crappy sci-fi show. And anyway, we can't get anyone here at AfterElton.com to sit all the way through Falling Skies' god-awful premiere, so I guess none of us will ever know if it gets any better.

Why brings us to Syfy, the channel. Since sci-fi is their raison d'etre (or at least it used to be, before their more open-ended name change), you'd think they'd be more likely to offer decent genre programming.

You'd be wrong — although I think Syfy's problem is one of financing more than anything. They produce their programming on the way cheap — and in the case of shows like Haven and mini-series like The Phantom, it really, really shows. (Their series of campy Saturday Night Movies are also produced on the cheap, and they're also horrible, but in that case, that's kinda the point — to make fun of how awful they are.)

But every now and then, something decent or even great sneaks by — Battlestar Galactica, and most recently, the remake of the British series Being Human, which I happened to think was even better than the original.

Syfy is premiering two shows on Monday that I was interested in: Alphas, about a band of mutant superhero-like individuals, and the third season of the channel's breakout hit Warehouse 13.

I've seen the premiere episodes of each, and I can tell you resolutely that one is pretty good, and one totally sucks.

Oh, screw the suspense: Warehouse 13 is better than ever, and Alphas is embarrassingly bad.

Let's start with Alphas, because every critic enjoys trashing something now and again when the project truly deserves it.

Alphas is, of course, a total X-Men rip-off: a group of ordinary people turn out to have extraordinary abilities: enhanced senses, enhanced strength, the ability to override the will of other people, and so on. One way or another, these abilities have turned the individuals who harbor them into outcasts who are unaccepted and misunderstood by others.

So they're gathered together by a Dr. Xavier-type figure (David Straithairn, who is far too good for this show, although I guess everyone has to pay the mortgage) who forms them into a superhero-like band — and also an alternative "family" of sorts.

This obviously isn't the first time that television has tried to ape some big movie success. But X-Men (the movie franchise) took the world by storm starting in 2000 — after decades of breakout comic book success. Alphas is simply coming way too late to the mutant game — with absolutely nothing fresh to offer.

Everything is totally formulaic, and it looks and feels really, really cheap.

Yes, yes, it might get better after the premiere. But (A) as we've already established, that's what they always say, and (B) it might also get worse. That wouldn't be the first time that's happened to a sci-fi show.

If you're going take something as creaky as the premise of The X-Men, and you're not going to give the project much of a budget, your only options are to make it daring, make it ironic, or make it campy. Alphas does none of those things — and I'm extremely doubtful that it ever will.

But that bring us to Warehouse 13.

Interestingly, this is a show that really did get better after the pilot, which is pretty much the show's low point to date. That said, it was clear from the very beginning what Warehouse 13 was going for: they were injecting some well-needed humor and irreverence into the often very staid and self-important world of sci-fi. It was a comedy version of The X-Files. And those incredibly cheesy special effects? They're part of the joke. Like Syfy's Saturday Night Movie series, we're laughing with them, not at that.

Season two of Warehouse 13 was stronger than Season One. And Season Three is starting out stronger than Season Two.

For those unfamiliar with the series, Pete and Myka (who have a classic TV relationship where they love each other, but can't admit it) work as agents collecting dangerous, mystical items for the facility where they're forever stored, a mysterious warehouse in South Dakota. At the end of the last season, Myka realized she had made a mistake that had almost caused the destruction of the world. Fearing that she would forever doubt her instincts, she quit her job as a warehouse agent.

Season Three opens with Pete meeting Myka's replacement: Steve Jinks (Aaron Ashmore), a man with the ability to tell when others are lying (and who is also gay, but that isn't revealed until episode two).

Aaron Ashmore and Eddie McClintock

Will Myka change her mind?

I don't do spoilers. But I can say that Ashmore seems to be a terrific addition to the cast, giving as well as he gets, and it's more clear than ever that Eddie McClintock, who plays Pete, has incredible comic timing (and good abs!). His material is getting better too, with the show now even openly alluding to all the times he's just happened to end up shirtless.

The whole premiere episode is light, breezy, silly, and fun, which a lot more than you can say about the turgid, brain-dead Alphas.

Warehouse 13 premieres Monday July 11th at 9 PM on Syfy, with Alphas following at 10 PM.