R. Patz is a Wanker and Other MTV Movie Awards Revelations

An insufferable Robert Pattinson plants one on Taylor Lautner during the MTV Movie Awards
(All photos: Getty Images)

Boiled down to its essence, the MTV Movie Awards hosted by Jason Sudeikis was a head to head matchup between Harry Potter fans and Twilight fanatics. The fanatics — specifically "Team Edward" — won. Boo!

I did manage to learn some important things while watching this ceremony, some of which I shall be trying to forget:

1) I agree with Chelsea Handler. Taylor Lautner is a "hot little piece of ass!" He's also a good sport and team player, throwing himself into the opening Hangover II parody... and giving up a finger in the process. Eva Mendes was pretty funny too!

2) Jason Sudeikis is not a stand-up comedian. He may be funny on SNL but offering up one liners about Arnold Schwarzenegger in the opening monologue was downright painful. "His next movie will be Pumping Ironer?" Is that the best you got, Jason? The monologue highlight was his reference to the Canadian hooker movie, Easy, Eh – and the stonefaced cutaway to Emma Stone.

3) Justin Timberlake was quite a handful during the Best Male Performance award, but Robert Pattinson actually wins the thing. He races up to the stage, grins and mumbles something incoherent. Pan to Kristen Stewart shrinking down in her seat. She totally looks like she has the munchies.

Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis

4) The Super 8 trailer borrows a helluva lot of from Lost. An unseen smoke monster whisking people off, powerful magnetic fields, etc.