"The Real World: San Diego" Recap: "Camp Out, Drag Out, Sing Out"

The episode opens with Frank making excuses for his behavior. "I’m not going from relationship to relationship. I’m putting my relationship with Michael on hold, so I can casually date," he says, because obviously the world revolves around him, and when Frank finally blows his load over every guy in San Diego, Michael will undoubtedly come running back like a well trained cocker spaniel. Michael, I hope you move on to better — and hopefully bigger — um, things.

"The sex is really good," says Frank about Todd. "The conversation is really good. And the sex is really good." Todd: again, I hope you are using protection.

Meanwhile, Ashley, head cheerleader of Team Michael, gives Todd the cold shoulder, which annoys Frank.

Sam tells Nate about $hawn Jade, her drag king alter ego, and Nate is all about it.

"I hope Sam becomes the coolest drag king ever," says Nate, "and I hope that little fella shoots for the stars."

After going to the gym, Zach and Ashley discuss Frank. Both are on Team Michael and Ashley remarks that Frank is with a different person each week. Why should she get to know Todd if he’s just going to be gone the next week? This makes sense. Frank treats his boys like I treat my shoes. One day, you’re just never going to see my distressed combat boots again, so don‘t get attached to them.

Nate, Zach and Ashley have certainly come a long way in accepting the gay, but it is evident that Zach and Ashley will not accept the cray. Respect.

Frank goes on a rant about Ashley’s disapproval of his dalliance with Todd. He thinks it is rude and disrespectful. Dude, just a few weeks ago Ashley couldn’t even deal with your sexuality. Lighten up — it isn’t all about you.

Sam brings her buddies Beth and Rudy over to the Em>Real World House. Beth and Rudy are fixtures in the San Diego drag king scene, and Sam tells us how being a drag king lets her cut loose and become someone else for a while.

Next, the roommates go camping. Prissy Priscilla packs enough belongings to dress the entire Von Trapp family for a month. Zach doesn’t pack anything, stating that he is excited to run around in his birthday suit for the trip.

Everyone arrives in the woods, and everyone hikes up the mountain to see the sunset. Then they drink soup out of cans (gross!). Then they roast marshmallows (not so gross!).

Nate and Frank discuss Ashley and her bizarre desire to be Zach’s clone. Nate is annoyed that Ashley tried to mold herself into what Zach wants her to be, and consequently no one gets to know the real Ashley.

The next morning the roommates are regaled to the light sounds of Frank tinkling in the woods, and then it is time to go home.

It’s time for Sam’s drag king show. She tapes down her breasts and it’s time to go, but Nate isn’t coming. He is too drunk to be roused. Sam’s alter ego $hawn Jade yells at Nate and Nate manages to stumble into the car. Nate drunkenly harasses Ashley about her "fakeness" which makes everyone else uncomfortable.

At the show $hawn Jade leaps on stage and does the funky chicken on crack and then writhes on a pole. It is hot. "Sam’s killin’ it!" yells Nate.

Frank, Nate and Ashley process their feelings about each other on the street. Frank accuses Ashley of being closed off and fake, telling her that everyone else has been putting themselves out there and that she isn‘t trying. True. Frank has been throwing himself at the camera like an aging fashion model. It’s like the screen vomits Frank every week. Being around a bunch of exhibitionists would make me crawl into my turtle shell as well.

Nate and Frank discuss the interaction in the car, and before long Frank starts yelling. We don’t know what he’s yelling, because there are so many expletives that have to be bleeped out. Is this The Osbournes or the Real World?

The episode ends with Alex and her band singing a song about the Real World experience. 

Sam tells us she hopes Zach and Ashley tolerate Frank for the remainder of their time in San Diego. Sorry Sam, but Frank is the one making all the noise. Zach and Ashley, if anything, have come to terms with his sexuality and are just avoidant of the s--tshow that has nothing to do with his sexuality.

I never thought I’d side with Zach and Ashley, but it seems that those two as of late have been pretty stand up people, and Frank is the one causing the strife in the household. Let me know what you think.