Reality Reiterated: Mardis Gras, Deceased Pets and what was Ragan Thinking?

Real World New Orleans

The sage folks at MTV finally got it right by featuring a very important celebrity guest on this episode: me! Did you see it?

Yes, dear readers, for approximately two nanoseconds, the nation had the opportunity to enjoy my barely visible backside on a Mardi Gras float. By simply tilting your head, squinting your eyes and not blinking, you could have enjoyed America’s newest sweetheart.

While I wait for Hollywood to come knocking, let me tell you a little about the actual episode this week. The housemates jumped on a Mardi Gras float with the Krewe of Tucks and then attended Tucks’ ball. Eric summed up the party by saying it was a bunch of “old, happy white people.”

Um, Eric, you know I respect you, particularly since we’ll be married in the fall, but I am not old. Or, actually, white. Or happy. But I forgive you, Eric.

Being skilled in spotting the real drama in each season, the producers wisely opened the show with confessional shots of both Preston and Ryan who are each holding voodoo dolls, expressing their dislike for the other.

Later at the aforementioned ball, they agree to a little cease and desist of their feud. Preston seems pleased but is prepared to release the hounds if Ryan acts up. Ryan, on the other hand, saw it all as BS and has no interest in making amends.

Ryan later attempts to strike up a bromance with Knight as they eat lettuce next to the road (seriously, why were they in chairs next to a busy road eating salads?) when Knight brings up Jemmye.

Ryan tells Knight that he doesn’t want him to get too involved because he wants to be able to go out with Knight and have a good time. Ryan also informs Knight that he is the only one in the house he wants to hang out with after they crawl from ‘neath the derailed cars of this train wreck of a season.

On a side note, I wish I could be watching this show with Ryan as each episode unfolds so, if nothing else, I could get to see his head explode about how he comes across.

Finally, the group goes back to The Beach, a Bourbon Street bar, which, I can only guess, has paid the producers money or provided free drinks to the cast while they were here. In my many years in this city, I’ve never heard of this bar. There are thousands of bars in New Orleans and, trust me, I’ve been to most of them.

In fact, I think I feel the need to visit one now. Oh, wait, I’m not done with the column yet. Crap.