Recap Attack: The Adventure Continues! With “Being Human.”

Welcome back to “Recap Attack,” the new AfterElton column that’s just like Julie & Julia. Except instead of The Julia Child Cookbook, I’m working my way through the TV Guide. And instead of producing sumptuous gourmet dishes, everything you’ll find here is a little tasteless.

This week, we set our snarky sights on Being Human, the UK to U.S. transfer about two boys (a vampire and a werewolf) and a girl (a ghoul) who decide to shack up.

Being Human won last week’s poll for which show I should take on this week by a vast majority. In retrospect, this should come as no surprise — it was the only show on the list featuring two hot guys. If there’s anything that’s given gay men strength over the years, it’s our capacity to combat adversity with a sense of healthy optimism. So when we watch a show with two hot guys in close confines (say, sharing an apartment … or a squad car), we can’t help but imagine that maybe, just maybe, this will be the week they make out.

We’re not totally deluded in this hope. I seem to remember reading some feminist theory that talked about how a great deal of literature is really about men who, deep down, want to get it on and the poor women in their lives serve as innocent vessels through which they work out their issues.

It’s evident in Shakespeare, it’s evident in Dickens, and it’s evident in Twilight, or at least in the movie versions, where Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner are about as interested in Kristen Stewart as they are in method acting.

So in Being Human, even though the set-up has two hot guys shacked up with a third-wheel female, she is essentially a vessel (how else do you define a ghost?), and therefore ripe for facilitating some male-on-male gazing, especially since they can just look right through her.

But before I get too far into the specifics of the show, I have to be careful what I say here. At least that’s what my lawyers tell me, given the lawsuit I have pending against the BBC for totally ripping off my idea.

A few years ago, I made the rounds pitching a TV show about a Rabbi, a Priest, and a Duck who all share an apartment. In one episode, they walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “What do you think about gay marriage?” The Rabbi says, “The Bible says it’s wrong.” And the Priest says, “Yes, and it weakens the sanctity of marriage and the family.” And the bartender says, “I was asking the duck … at least what he says makes sense.”

Okay, I kid here. But I do have to admit that when I first heard the premise of Being Human, it sounded like all those old “Rabbi/Priest” jokes, not to mention horrifically sit-commy to boot.

Plus, I groaned over the idea of another show about vampires. I’m a big vampire fan going way back – I pretty much worshipped Buffy – but let’s face it, they’re everywhere now. We’ve got Vampire Diaries (for people who like their vampires young and angsty), and we’ve got True Blood (for people who like their vampires sexually voracious, with a dash of camp), and we’ve got Twilight (for people who don’t have any critical standards whatsoever). Oh, I kid! I don’t mean to knock Twilight so much. I just mean to knock intolerant Mormons.

Anyway, I started watching the UK Being Human and found myself delightfully surprised on many levels. While the vampire element did indeed feel familiar, the ghost character was a refreshing addition, one that hasn’t reached the same sort of cultural oversaturation. (Other than Casper, Christmas Yet to Come, and the sexy pottery guy Patrick Swayze played, how many famous ghosts can you name?)

The original Being Human (UK) cast: Russell Tovey, Lenora Crichlow and Aiden Turner