"Dancing With The Stars" Are Stars Supposed To Be This Dim?

Lacey Schwimmer and Chaz Bono

Call me crazy, but I feel like it's a bad sign when the 30-second ads for Happy Endings are more entertaining than the 2-hour episode of Dancing with the Stars. I really don't understand why this show takes up three hours a week. Since I didn't watch the Tuesday episode (because that is my sacred Glee time) I didn’t know who the eliminated contestant was when I turned the TV on tonight. Luckily, Tom Bergeron announced that Ron Artest was last week's loser, proving that it can actually can be done in thirty seconds instead of forty-two minutes.

Beefcake- You will all be relieved to know that Maksim, Val and my future husband Tristan Macmanus are all still super hot. However, this week's Gratuitous Beefcake award went to Derek Hough, who apparently forgot his shirt. If not buying Derek an entire outfit is how ABC is saving money in this economy, I will stop complaining about not being able to find a job.

Ricki Lake and Derek Hough

AfterElton Bait- It wasn't a great night for Team Acronym last night. Chaz had some problems with his knees, and partly because of that, he and his dance partner Lacey Schwimmer ended up with the lowest scores of the night. Carson ended up just one point better, so those two better step it up for next week.

Performances- It was a weird week, with the some of last week's better performers, like Hope Solo falling drastically in the rankings and some of the worse groups, like Rob Kardashian doing much better. For the most part, it was a pretty typical week and I already forget most of the performances, although Ricki Lake was surprisingly good and J.R. Martinez was by far the most entertaining dancer of the night.

Whine Factor- Wow, could those female celebrities be whinier? I mean seriously, they spent the ENTIRE time complaining. "Oh my god, I am being paid a gajliion dollars to be on TV and dance with a really hot guy but it's hard so and wahhhhhhhh". Excuse me if my heart doesn't exactly bleed for you Elisabetta Cannalis and Nancy Grace, but your plight is hardly that of Anne Frank, so excuse me if I don't immediately start a charity and organize a Walk- A-Thon in your honor.

Anna Trebunskaya and Carson Kressley

Hopefully the next couple of weeks will be more entertaining as the dancers improve and get more comfortable. I have faith that Carson is going to be safe this week, because what he lacks in technique, he makes up in entertainment value. I am not as confident for Chaz, but hopefully he can get the votes to stay in it for another week. What did you guys think?