“The X Factor” Series Premiere Snapcap: Give Me An “Idol” But Hold The Seacrest.

Thankfully, not Ryan Seacrest!

I started watching the premiere of Fox’s new singing competition reality show The X Factor with the obvious question: Could this formula work? Would a show starring Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and two other judges evaluating the singing skills of young contestants click with audiences?

That’s some risk factor there, X Factor!

That being said, I’ll admit it: I liked The X Factor. There is some ace emotional manipulation going on in the editing room, but it’s happening alongside some undeniably talented singers who killed it onstage. And, of course, some who didn’t. Because what fun would it be if everyone was good?

Cowell and Company have also raised the stakes: the contestants are vying for a $5 million recording contract. Take that, Idol.

There’s also been one vast improvement from the American Idol blueprint: No Ryan Seacrest!

Ryan Seacrest has always made me uncomfortable, and his offstage interviews were like watching an insatiable toy dog climbing all over people who are just trying to have a moment.

Instead, with X we have stone cold fox Steve Jones, who looks like a superhero, all tall and lean and square-jawed. If he were a superhero, his special talent would be describing in voiceovers what we can easily see for ourselves. However, I do give him credit for his interviews with the contestants’ families, where he’s relaxed and they seem comfortable with him.

The show started out with ludicrous, flashy intros of the main judges walking through smoke, silhouetted. We also had shots of Simon driving his Bugatti in Los Angeles, record producer L.A. Reid landing in a helicopter on top of a high-rise, and Paula Abdul berating a pharmacist for not having her prescription ready.

By the way, Paula seemed largely even-keeled throughout the episode. She flared up at one point when Geo, a 43-year-old “internet blogger” from Seattle, got naked from the waist down during his song, so it was actually a pretty reasonable response. But come on, Paula, let’s kick it up a notch!

After the intros, the show proceeded with two hours of auditions before a crowd of thousands. It strained credibility that there wasn’t any pre-screening of who would goet to perform before such a large group, but at least the people chosen had high entertainment value.

So how did the first episode of The X Factor rate?

Beefcake

Not bad, actually. The aforementioned Steve Jones is easy on the eyes. So were contestants Terrell Carter and Brendan O’Hara. O’Hara is handsome in a mysterious drifter kind of way, who’s probably also dressed as Jesus for Halloween at least once. Even Nicole Scherzinger seemed smitten with him, asking him, “Do you have a family?” He replied with a smile that he was single. Good work, Nicole! He even sang pretty well in a Ray LaMontagne-meets-Michael McDonald sort of way.

Terrell Carter, Brendan O'Hara

Performances/Heart/Drama

A lot. There was Chris Rene, a recovering meth addict with 70 days of sobriety, who wowed the judges and audience with a powerful original song. Stacy Francis, 42, delivered an astonishing version of “(You Make Me Feel Like a) Natural Woman” and said she finally decided to give singing a go because she “didn’t want to die with this music in me.” She also alluded to having a pretty bad relationship history where she bought into the verbal abuse her partner was feeding her. It made her victory onstage even sweeter, as tears streamed down her cheeks and the crowd gave her a standing ovation.

Stacy Francis

When it comes to gay contestants' personal lives it will be interesting to see whether X Factor goes the American Idol route — basically ignoring them — or more like The Voice, where everyone is treated the same.

Judging

Pretty straightforward, albeit the judging process seemed redundant. After each of the judges clearly established a preference, they still went back to each of them to say “yea” or “nay.”

AfterElton Bait

There was one guy clearly playing for our team, although viewers’ gaydar will probably be pinged by another contestant or two. The other, Xander Alexander, I don’t think we really want to claim. Which brings me to…

Trainwreck Quotient

Xander, Xander, Xander. Yes, we get it. You want to be called “Xander,” yet you chose the confusing stage name “Xander Alexander,” and insist on pouting and saying you hate it when anyone calls you “Alexander.” That was the least of his issues.

What a bitch. His offstage interview began with an initially refreshing edge: “I want to be Whitney Houston before she lost it.” Huh huh, good one X! “I want to be Mariah Carey before she lost it.” Oh, Xander, that was 10 years ago. Then he continued with sideswipes at Martha Stewart, being “Beyonce without the ugly husband,” and a dig at Bruno Mars, to whom he says he’s been compared. “But my hair’s not nappy and I’m not chubby.” Charming.

He got onstage, insulted Simon, made the ridiculously belligerent comment that “we can take it outside,” then finally sang. He delivered a drivelly, oozy version of “I’ll Be” by Edwin McCain. Simon cut him off and asked for a different song. Xander didn’t have one.

That’s right, he went to a singing competition with nothing but ballads to sing. Then he started crying when he got criticized. “Stop pretending to cry,” Paula said.

Zing! Advantage Abdul. Bye, Alexander!

That’s my take. What’s yours?