"A-List: New York" Episode 201 Recap: Say a Big Hello to Nyasha and Uniball!

A screaming match. Onlookers ducking for cover. Punches being thrown. That's what happened in the AE break room as a fight erupted over which one of us would have to recap The A-List: New York this season. None of us wanted to do it because, well, we're all sane.

But someone had to watch the show this season and while I fought really hard, Dennis throws a mean left hook and snicks is a biter. All of which is to say, welcome to The A-List Season Two recaps by BriOut!

Now I watched every episode of the first season because with shows like Two and a Half Men and CSI Miami on summer hiatus, I needed something new to hate. So you can probably imagine my surprise when I didn't completely detest it. Don't get me wrong. It's terrible; about as real as Heidi Montag's breasts and filled with people who make me wish I could redefine the parameters of assisted suicide.

But if you can fool yourself into it believing that everything you see and hear has been scripted by Bruce Vilanch and Michael Musto, it becomes satirical comedy gold.

Season Two also begins in a club where a verbal war has already broken out between perpetual victim Rodiney and perpetual H8ers, Derek and Austin. Suddenly the screen becomes red. There's a chorus of people shouting "Austin, don't!" and a punch comes flying towards camera before BOOM.

We jump to black where a title card reads: Three days earlier… and we jump back in time to find Austin and his husband, Jake reuniting with Derek. In dialogue that isn't even remotely filled with exposition, we learn that Derek has quit his job and is now launching his own line of tanning bronzers named, "Tansexual".

No, I'm not making that up.

Austin has been asked to pose for the cover of Playgirl. I wish that I were making that up. They giggle and spew their utter hatred of Rodiney (do they talk about anything else?) During all of this, husband Jake has backed up to the kitchen and, in several shots, appears to be looking for an edge weapon. He's officially the smartest person on the show.

Jake looking like he can't quite figure out how he wound up here...

Meanwhile, at the salon he owns, Ryan is beckoned by his assistant, T.J. (the one person on the show I like unreservedly because he's a working stiff like the rest of us) to a computer where photos of a man's, um, banana and apples are on the screen.

"Why are you looking at porn?" asks a horrified Ryan.

"It's not porn. It's Reichen."

Yes, the mini-scandal of Reichen's webcam beat session and its subsequent leak to the internet actually made the show. By the way, seeing Reichen's penis is a lot like watching an M. Night Shyamalan movie. You kind of think it will be good until you actually see it.

T.J. dubs it "Uniball". Have I mentioned how much I-heart-T.J.?

We soon catch up with Mr. Uniball himself as Reichen hosts Ryan and Mike at his pool in the Hamptons. In more dialogue that isn't the least bit expositional, Mike tells us that he's hosting a launch party for his new T-shirt line. I'm guessing there will be drama at this little event because, after all, it's the eightieth time they've brought it up.

Reichen announces that he and Rodiney is have officially broken up. Again.

"I wonder if this has anything to do with the uniball T.J. discovered," Ryan ponders in a side interview. For reasons I can't fully explain, I'm so hoping 'Uniball' catches on.

Reichen tells the boys about the webcam fiasco and Ryan tells him he should parlay the release of the photos into selling lubricant. Okay, that was funny.

Later, we catch up with Rodiney at Mike's photo shoot for a coffee table book. Something about shirtless models wearing hideous floral crowns. Mike says it's about pairing masculine energy with feminine energy. I think someone had a book deadline to meet.

Anyway, Rodiney is excited about moving out of the apartment he shared with Reichen. So excited that when Reichen tries to force a maudlin moment as Rodiney packs, we can practically see how busted his give-a-damn really is.

Rodiney not exactly all busted up

Still, they resolve to remain friends. I predict there will be no complications around that.

So far, nothing has really irritated me yet. But that's about to change as they shoehorn a new "character" into the mix. By shoehorn, I mean you can see the heel marks of the producer's shoes as they shove her into the show.