“Game of Thrones” Recap 108: Basically, This Means War!

I know this is supposed to be a Game of Thrones recap, but I must ask: is anyone else watching The Killing on AMC? I am, and it’s on right before Game of Thrones.

It’s one of those shows where the whole season is devoted to solving one murder. Weirdly, this week’s episode had nothing to do with the murder itself – it was a side-trek where we learn a little bit about the pasts of the two very flawed characters who are trying to solve the murder.

And it was amazing.

I confess it was so good that tonight’s episode of Game of Thrones, which was perfectly fine, may have suffered a little by comparison. It’s a little like Cougar Town, which I think I might like if I didn’t watch it after Modern Family, which is a thousand times better written (and much, much funnier).

But none of this is fair or even relevant to Game of Thrones which, as I said, was perfectly fine this week.

We begin with the fallout from last week’s attempt by Boromir to expose Prince Prissypants as not the true heir to the throne.

As Krusty the Clown might say, “Ohhhhh, boy, this ain’t gonna be good!”

Boromir’s been captured and imprisoned, and Ayra is on the run, even doing her “first kill” with her specially-made mini-sword when a stable boy tries to stop her. When Donald Pleasence visits Boromir in the dungeon, the eunuch has these cheery words: “I trust you know you’re a dead man.”

To put this in terms that AfterElton.com readers might understand, Boromir has openly insulted the Gleeks, and now hell must be paid.

Speaking of Glee, up at the Wall, Darren Criss has retrieved the bodies of the dead rangers he spotted last week. But Samwise Gangee, who is a crappy fighter but apparently no fool, immediately senses something fishy – namely, that the dead bodies don’t smell like dead fish.

Back at King’s Landing, Cersei begins her subtle manipulation of Sansa – clearly trying to somehow use her to prevent war with, or at least manipulate the Starks. Her bearded adviser (Grand Maester Pycelle – I looked it up) says the one thing he’s going to repeat over and over all episode long: “He’s a traitor!”

Meanwhile, back to Winterfell, Robb (Boromir’s son) is talking with a bearded adviser of his own (Maester Luwin – I also looked this up!), and I’m thinking, “That must be such a thankless acting job, playing a so-called 'maester' on this show, having to just stand around nodding, totally one note, just reacting to the main characters again and again." On the other hand, it probably beats summer stock.

Another "maester," Aemon, who's thinking, "I don't need this s**t! I was in The Remains of the Day!"

“Joffrey puts my father in chains, and now he wants his ass kissed?” Robb says, scoffing at the idea he'll swear fealty to Prince Prissypants. “Call the banners!”

Which translates to: call all the neighboring lordships who are faithful to our house, cause we’re going to war! Basically, the “banner” system is sort of like a cross-kingdom Neighborhood Watch, except with fewer doughnuts.

“Are you afraid?” Theon asks Robb, and when Robb shows him his shaking fingers, Theon says, “Good.”

“Why is that good?” Robb says.

“It means you’re not stupid,” Theon says, which is basically the conversation I have with Snicks and Ed every time I consider writing something critical about Glee.

I love this actress!

We’re whipping all over the planet this episode, so over at the Vale of Arynn (which is different from the Vail of Colorado, although I hear the skiing is excellent at both places), Cat tries to enlist her loopy sister Lady Lysa in the war against the Lannisters.

But Lysa’s not having any of it. “These people will do anything” to win, she says, declining to help.

In short, the Starks are up against the Tea Partiers.

Next Page! Thanks, Sam, but couldn't you have mentioned that before we were attacked by zombies?!