“Game of Thrones” Recap 109: Score One for Robb! (But, uh, Minus One for Ned)

First, a correction. Last week, I referred to a character I didn’t recognize as “the ghost of Tiny Tim.” Turns out it was a character I should’ve recognized – Rickon Stark, one of Ned's five children!

D'oh!

Okay, I’m not trying to blame the victim here, but when a recapper forgets that a character even exists – to the point where he doesn’t recognize him – it might be an indication that your show has too many characters.

We pick up where we left off last week, with the Robb Stark, Boromir’s son, heading off to war with the Lannisters over Cersei’s imprisonment of Boromir and Joffrey's seizure of the throne. If you’ll recall, there was a question as to whether or not they were going to attack Lord Tywin or take on his son Jamie, who was (I think?) laying siege to River Run (which I also think we haven’t actually seen yet, right? Hell, if I forgot Rickon, I may have forgotten an entire episode!).

But regardless of which strategy they take, they still have to get the entire army across the wide Trident river – something that’s only possible by using the castle of a lord named Warder Frey, which is cleverly constructed as a bridge over the Green Fork of the river (an extremely advantageous spot, which has made House Frey both rich and resented). This means negotiating with Lord Frey.

Back at King’s Landing, Donald Pleasence once again visits Boromir in the dungeon, and it’s a great indication of two things this show does well: clever dialogue and characters who are neither “good” nor “bad,” but usually various shades of gray. Donald Pleasence makes an arguable point that, for all his nefarious schemes, his advice – just having Boromir declare Prince King Prissypants the rightful king – really might save a lot of bloodshed.

Or is it all self-serving sophistry? It depends on your point of view. Still, Donald Pleasence definitely gets off some great lines, saying things like, “A tame wolf is more useful than a dead one.”

"So what if everything I say is dripping with subtext! They cut off my frickin' balls!"

But Boromir gives as well as he gets, responding with: “You think my life is so precious to me that I’ll trade my honor for a few years at the Wall [basically in exile, should the king grant a reprieve]?”

But Donald Pleasence has the kicker. After Boromir declares that he’s ready to die, Donald Pleasence asked: “What of your daughter’s life?”

As you’ll see, this is key to the whole episode: what exactly is "honor" and how is it measured?

All this said, I’m not sure why Boromir is so surprised to hear that Robb has gone to war. I mean, what did he think he’d do, leave an angry comment on Cersei’s blog?

(Perhaps he’s merely surprised by the idea of Robb leading the army since, as we’ve seen in previous episodes, Robb doesn’t necessarily seem like a natural born leader.)

A word must be said here about Sean Bean. First, how much does it suck that he keeps getting cast as a lead in these fantastic fantasy franchises – only to see his characters die at the end of the first movie and/or season. No retirement plan for you, I'm afraid!

I've really got to stop dying like this.

Down at The Twins (which is the name for the Frey castle), Robb and Spunky Cat are shooting down the ravens heading in and out of the castle – disrupting the kingdom’s communication system. Fortunately, the Frey’s may not notice the suddenly s**ty service, since the Westeros’ raven system is controlled by AT&T.

Spunky Cat agrees to negotiate with Warder Frey, and it turns out he’s got a whole listless brood of unmarried sons and daughters – and a huge chip on his shoulder at the cold shoulder he think he’s gotten from Spunky Cat’s family (and also Winterfell) over the years.

“Why should I waste a single thought on any of you?” Frey says.

Hmmmm, unmarried children? An army that needs to cross the bridges? Is there any deal to be made here?

"I'll be visited by three ghosts, you say? Bah humbug! But do you think they'd want to marry my kids?"

Up at the Wall, Darren Criss is talking to the Commander who gives Darren Criss a family heirloom, basically saying, “You’re the son I care about.” To which, if I were Darren Criss, I would respond, “Whoa there, Nelly! We just met four episodes ago, okay? I like you and all, but let's take this slower, okay? I'll pencil you in for a 'family dinner' next week, but don't be giving me no heavy family heirlooms and even heavier expectations!”

I'm kidding, but the truth is, that kind of is what Darren Criss says when he learns that Robb has gone to war with the Lannisters. “I should be there,” he says. “I should be with him.”

No pussyfooting, no softening the blow – just, “Thanks for the incredibly valuable sword, guy, now I’m (maybe) outta here!”

Before we leave the Wall, it occurs to me that there’s been a lot of talk about whether it’s “tall” enough to keep the White Walkers out. Since we now know that the White Walkers are basically just zombies, I’m thinking, “It's a thousand feel tall! Yeah, it’s tall enough!” Unless one of the zombies is, like, a giant kangaroo zombie.

Next Page! "If you leave now, help them you could. But you will destroy all for which they have fought and suffered."