"RuPaul's Drag Race" Premiere Recap: "The Queen Who Mopped Xmas"

Oh Lordy! Monday night's Drag Race Season 3 premiere was expanded into a giant 2 1/2 hour block of Logo programming. At that rate, when will the network ever have time for Buffy re-runs?

Oh well, I can forgo yet another repeat viewing of "Once More With Feeling" in order to see some talented drag queens compete in a reality show. Especially a reality show that's a wild and gay[er] fusion of America's Next Top Model, Project Runway and Sarah Palin's Alaska!"

If this is your first time tuning in to RuPaul's Drag Race, then you're in for a treat!

First up in Logo's Mondays Are a Drag kick-off was a one-hour Drag Race casting special, then we had the first regular episode of the season, and finally there was a half-hour Untucked episode where we got to see the contestants backstage getting Absolut-ly wasted and taking catty swipes at one another.

But you know, I can do that at home. And often do. There's a LOT of material to recap from last night, so I'm going to have to be a bit selective here and skip over some of it.

The casting special was a highlight reel of audition tapes introduced by Ru. These homemade videos were all pretty similar – typically a drag queen from the Midwest (or deep south) ensconced in a walk-in closet, showing off her sequined finery and explaining how "fierce" she is.

Since 90 percent of the ladies shown did not make the cut this year, I won't go into any great detail on them. But I will say – no joke – that many of these audition videos were very touching, reminding you just how brave drag queens often must be to defy family expectations, buck gender stereotypes and step out in public in a dress. I would never have the courage to do something like that.

Which is a real shame because I think I totally have the legs for it.

So, for all those fierce drag queens who applied and didn't make it on the show, we salute you.

The other part of the casting special I'd like to mention was the segment about the RuPaul's Drag Race "pit crew."

The pit crew are those hunky Go Go dancer-type guys hand-selected by Ru herself to dutifully squire the drag contestants at photo shoots. And possibly help with luggage.

In previous seasons we really didn't know much about them, but this season it seems like they'll be spotlighted a bit more. The casting special contained a video montage of some of the pit crew auditions.

My favorite prospective pit crew member quotes:

"In my blood I have the mighty DNA of God. So I have his blessing. I can do it all. [Promptly moons the camera]

"I played football for the University of South Dakota for 5 years. I'm an actor/model – and I can't dance worth a sh*t." [Go USD Coyotes!]

"I'm a musical theater actor and dancer, and I'm the biggest pussy you will ever meet. I cry at everything. Oh and I got a nice butt." [He says tearfully.]

"I sew, I paint, and I do an amazing one-handed handstand while humping the wall."

Ding Ding Ding! If it were up to me I'd hire that one on the spot.

But shockingly, the wall humper was not cast, which means he's still out there pounding the... err... pavement.

The two available spots on the pit crew went to these guys...

Now, on to the first regular episode of the season, "The Queen Who Mopped Xmas"...