"Shameless" Episode 102 Recap: "It's Gay Heaven, Man"

Let's start with a brief recap of last week's show.

"We're the Gallagher family. We're poor but colorful!"

"I'm oldest daughter Fiona. This cute guy helped me out, so I'm going to bang him on my kitchen floor."

"I'm Lip. I tutor for hummers, and can use my boxer shirts as a frisbee. I just found out my younger brother Ian is gay. Doesn't he know that orifice is an exit, not an entrance? Well, unless you're straight, and your girlfriend is willing. Then it's okay."

WANG ALERT.

"I'm family patriarch Frank. If I was a cartoon character I'd have stink lines coming off me and a cartoon thought bubble that said 'Hic'"

"I'm Ian. I'm screwing my married, Muslim boss. Gay recappers are watching my every move to see how groundbreaking I'll be. Thanks for the pressure, Asshats!"

"I'm Steve. I'm a charismatic car thief who's been inexplicably drawn into this poor but colorful family. Gay recappers are watching my every move to see if I'll show my stick shift. Thanks for the pressure, Asshats!"

Now that you're up to speed, let's take a look at episode two!

We start with a montage of the family using the bathroom. Well, separately. Including Ian, who sits on the toilet with a gay porn magazine and proceeds to have a tug of war with cyclops, until he's rudely interrupted.

Okay, I don't care how poor you are, not having a lock on the family bathroom door is inexcusable. When I was a kid and had to "charge the inertial dampeners," I would not only lock the door, I'd jam a chair under the knob (the doorknob!) and create an early warning system outside the door with a tripwire.

We then get another montage, with the family preparing for TV night. Frank heads down to local watering hole The Alibi Room, where bartender and neighbor Kev is setting up for pay-per-view MMA. Frank steals a beer while Santa finishes up his post-Christmas bender.

Back at home, the family (including neighbor Veronica and hummer-er Karen) make a fast food run and then settle in to watch Deadliest Catch. Oh, I think I recognize this episode. It's the one where someone almost falls overboard and a captain is worried he won't meet his quota.

The family is entranced, but Steve looks bored. He was hoping for a Toddlers & Tiaras marathon.

Back at the bar, Frank is having a hard time seeing the TV screen, and asks the guy in front of him to move. Unfortunately, the guy turns out to be Karen's father, who caught her servicing Ian under the dining room table.

He head butts Frank, and then walks away, leaving Frank looking like he took third place at a pie-eating contest.