“Southland” Episode 308 Recap: "It's Hard to Dig Yourself Out of a Hole."

Bad news, Steven Frank fans! Steven was so busted up by last week's episode that he's locked himself in the bathroom and is still sobbing hysterically over the innocent bystander who got shot in the head and died shortly after his fiancee got to him.

You know, the usual happy, uplifting Southland episode.

But Steven is sensitive that way. He still gets misty when he thinks about Russell Edgington getting entombed in concrete on True Blood last season.

Fortunately, I'm made of much sterner stuff — I write the 90210 recaps after all — and will be stepping in for Steven this week. Alas, I can't hope to fill Steven's shoes, so all I ask is that you be as gentle with me as you know Officer Cuddlybear is with Rookieboy. Okay, strike that. Cuddlybear is actually tough on Rookieboy and I'm not up to that kind of feedback. Instead, I just want to bask in your love and adoration. Or at least not have you riot until Steven returns which he will next week!

Now let's get this party started!

Before I watched the episode, I was curious about how the show was doing in the ratings. The new season premiered with a little over two million viewers and then spiked when Nate got knocked off two weeks ago with 3.3 million viewers. Last week was down to right around two million again and I'm hoping this week's numbers stayed steady.

The show isn't a lock for renewal but it doesn't seem to be on the verge of cancellation either which is good news.

But the bad news is that the show is never going to get the audience it deserves because it's too damned depressing and gritty no matter how great the acting and writing (usually) are. That point is driven home every week by the opening credits overlaying those sepia-toned pictures along with that melancholy "ba dum ba dum ba da da da dum dum" theme music repeated over and over again.

Seriously, the opening alone makes me want to crawl into a corner and despair over the misery of the world what with all of the dead bodies and the cop apparently consoling the little boy. Ugh...

And that's before Foreboding Announcer Guy says: Sometimes cops find a case can take them into a hole. Before sunrise, Detective Sammy Bryant will find out just how hard it can be dig to yourself out."

Oh, joy. And that isn't even the most depressing thing that happens all episode. That honor goes to the resolution of what Officer Cuddlybear and Rookieboy get up to.

Don't get me wrong — I think Southland is a terrific show and much much more interesting and realistic than all of those Law & Order/CSI/NCIS shows that seem exactly the same week after week and are about as distinctly memorable as a McDonald's hamburger.

But perhaps Southland is too memorable? Actually, it doesn't matter because the show is what it is and to make it "lighter" would remove what makes it so interesting and well done. At least for the two million viewers who watch each week. Sigh.

Anyway, to start off we have Officer Cuddlybear and Rookieboy, who we first see at a diner. Rookieboy is being annoying by flirting with the waitress thereby making all that fanfic about him and Cuddlybear that much less likely to ever come true. Fortunately, the rest of the episode sees him being a dutiful partner and standing by our his man.

Rookieboy tells the waitress he's still a trainee but is almost done and will soon be a grown up cop. He says Cuddlybear has taught him a lot, but that he's ready for more and for a brief moment I think he means more of a relationship with Cuddlybear. But no, he's clearly digging the waitress expecially since she knows football and apparently plans on becoming a cop herself if her singing career doesn't work out.

Speaking of Cuddlybear, he's not exactly having a great day given that he's on his knees in the bathroom picking up his pain meds off of the floor. Eww... I'd rather see another dead body than watch him take those pills now.