Last Night's Survivor: "Sorry Papa Bear, You Make Me Anxious."

With Christina packed off to Redemption Island at the end of last week's epiosde, the Upolo tribe heads back to camp, Brandon Hantz doing the old night vision walk of shame. As you'll recall, he tried to throw "lingerie football player" Mikayla under the bus, all because she unwittingly enflamed his lustful passions.

All I can say is, thank God Brandon doesn't seem to harbor any homoerotic tendencies - else he would have tried to get Albert off. And Albert's the only Upolo tribesmate worth ogling.

Albert (We need to see more of him, please!)

Next morning it's off to Redemption Island to watch the two previously eliminated players Samhar and Christine tepidly duke it out. Before the challenge, Samhar recites a lengthy spoken word poem. Okay, so she's not exactly Maya Angelou at Clinton's inaugural - Coach, Ozzie and even Probst roll their eyes.

The challenge is balancing a long pole and totem over your head. And haven't we all been there! But it was previously confirmed that Samhar has like zero upper body strength. She's out quickly.

Back at camp, Brandon thinks it's time to come clean with his tribesmates and share with them his mark of the beast: those godawful "Hantz" tattoos.

"I really wanna take off my shirt really bad!" Says Brandon.

Oh, that's all right. Really not necessary.

That guy gives me the willies. He's one of those awful people who do awful things and then spout off at length about being a Christian. Like that suddenly absolves them of all their sins.

Oh wait.... maybe that's how it works. Clearly, I didn't spend enough time in Sunday school.

Anyway, when a confused but perfectly reasonable Mikayla asks him why he was trying to get her voted out he goes truly batshit crazy. The rest of the tribe is so shocked at his outburst that they don't say anything. Mikayla runs off crying, which is weird because damn that girl is fit! She could drop Brandon like a sack of potatoes. And it would be easy to mistake him for one.

Over the Savaii camp, Ozzie, makes a crucial mistake. He tells second in command Keith that he found the immunity idol. Super dumb.

Keith promises to keep it a secret, but then he immediately goes and tells Whitney.

Ozzie is a terrible social player, and I'm suddenly vastly more impressed with Keith.

The Immunity Challenge featured wave boards, giant rope winches, hooking baskets and arranging flag strips. There's a lot going on with this one. It looks like Savaii has a good chance of winning thanks to Jan. (She's in great shape for an older woman) But they lose and everybody agrees that Papa Bear was the weakest link.