"The Vampire Diaries" Episode 310 Recap: "Raw Deal"

Welcome back, The Vampire Diaries! We've missed you! Last night's “mid-season premiere” or whatever term The CW's come up with for “back after two damn months off the air” opens an indeterminate time after the last episode with Bonnie walking through the woods to the burned out witch house. It's obviously a dream sequence, so, moving on...

Elena's out for a morning jog and spots some random behind her. She bolts and seemingly gives him the slip, only to have another random predictably show up directly behind her. Or maybe it's the same random. It's hard to tell. Anyway. Later at the Mystic Grill she worries at Bonnie that she's completely paranoid. Bonnie empathizes then complains about her recurring dream sequence, the plot-significant bits being four coffins, one of which contains Klaus holding Elena's necklace. Elena suggests it's a “witch dream” and gee, ya think? Bonnie demurs that it's just stress and wonders how Damon is handling Stefan's betrayal and absence.

Damon's at the bar, handling things by drinking roughly a third of the bar's inventory while Alaric grades papers. As you do, at a bar. Torn between a bloody Mary and a screwdriver, Damon invites Alaric to join him for “brunch in a bottle”, saying he can't drink everything himself. “I mean I can, but, somebody's getting' naked!” And you can cut your eyes to the lady barkeep all you want, Damon, we know who you're really talking about. Alaric declines, saying he's waiting for Jeremy. Lady barkeep tells him that Jeremy was fired a week ago.

Fired, and spending his newly-acquired free time in the woods with Tyler, drinking and playing with Alaric's crossbow. After a little foreplay Tyler invites Jeremy to penetrate him with his shaft, that is to say shoot him with a crossbow bolt. Jeremy tries but Tyler catches his shaft with his hand. And a million fanfics are born.

Back at the Grill Elena and Damon natter a bit about Jeremy until Klaus shows up with the second random from Elena's jog, who we now remember is hybrid Tony from the last episode. Klaus advises Elena and Damon that he expects them to help him find Stefan.

Bonnie's decided that her dream may not be stress-related after all and heads out to the burned out witch house. There she finds Stefan, who wants to enlist her help in hiding the four Originals in coffins he nicked from Klaus. She says she doesn't have that kind of power but luckily the spirits of umpteen dead witches are still hanging out.

Jeremy pops in at home, where Elena and Alaric are fixing dinner. They want him to stay but he has plans with Tyler. They insist, so he invites Tyler in. Elena tries to give him the bum's rush but Jeremy isn't having it, so Alaric does a little fanservice by having Tyler explain the difference between being compelled and being “sired”. Tyler busts out a verse from Little Peggy March's classic “I Will Follow Him” and, to Jeremy's shock, declares that if Klaus ordered him to rip out his own heart he would.

Concurrently, Klaus has dropped by the Salvatore estate for a drink with Damon. I don't recall that Elena, who owns the place, ever invited him but if the show doesn't care about that then I guess I don't either. Klaus explains that Stefan has his family and reiterates his demand for help in finding him. Damon tells him he has no idea how to find Stefan. Klaus, saying that Damon seems to respond best to displays of violence, calls someone and instructs them to get on with that thing Klaus told him to do.

Cut to Jeremy hanging up his cell phone. Uh oh. Tyler bails and Elena and Alaric talk about him behind his back for a minute until turning to see that Jeremy is gone and has left his resurrection ring behind. They spot him standing in the middle of the street while an SUV barrels toward him. Alaric shoves him out of the way and takes the hit from the SUV, driven by hybrid Tony. And this is really straining the whole “resurrect from supernatural death” concept. OK fine, if Damon snaps your neck you come back, but the ring knows whether or not the guy driving the car that hit you is undead or not?

Elena realizes Klaus compelled Jeremy and the two of them move Alaric inside. Damon drops by to check on his boyfriend's condition (dead, but he'll get better) and notes Jeremy's vervane-infused bracelet is missing. Jeremy figures Tyler took it, although what they were doing in close enough proximity for Tyler to be able to slip off Jeremy's bracelet unnoticed is left to the viewer's filthy imagination. Also, why is Jeremy not consuming vervane directly? For that matter, has Elena been taking vervane now that she hasn't been wearing her vervane-infused necklace?

Damon explains that Klaus wants Stefan so he can get his family back. Jeremy suggests they all pack a bag and get the hell out of Dodge before storming off. Elena suggests giving Rebekah to Klaus but Damon nixes it. Recalling the plot-significant portions of Bonnie's dream sequence, Elena calls her and asks her to cast a locater spell to find Stefan. Bonnie's all, no spell needed.