"Top Chef All-Stars" Recap (8.02): A Joe Jonas Sleepover

Hey, look, it’s Joe Jonas. Squeallllllllllllllllll! Shriekkkkkkkkk!  Soundofamilliontweengirlsfaintingggggg! Did I get this right? I mean he’s the cute one, no? Why when there are three singing brothers is there always only one cute one? For reference please see Hanson. Host Padma Lakshmi informs the chefs that Joe will be guest judging the Quickfire Challenge. All of the cheftestants manage to stay conscious.

In fact Dale T. is unimpressed and unaware of who he is, saying, “I thought he might be a pastry chef.” Funny, but actually not that far off. Joe does bear a definite resemblance to pastry chef and Top Chef Just Desserts judge Johnny Iuzzini.

Joe will be the guest at the Museum of Natural History’s annual Night at the Museum sleepover. The Quickfire is to create a yummy, eat-with-your-hands midnight snack for the kids. The chefs' reaction to cooking for kids follows roughly along the Kinsey Scale. A 6 is totally thrilled (Marcel), 3 is not thrilled but not determined to please (Tiffani), 0 is totally unthrilled (Jamie).

Dale L. isn’t too fond of tiny humans either and seems determined to send them into diabetic shock by giving them a pretzel, graham crackers and Whoppers mix he calls “crack for small children.” The result, he says, should be like “a little 10-year-old rave.” But will there be glowsticks? I’m only coming if there are glowsticks.

Dale T. (who from here on out we shall call Little Mad Dale to distinguish him from Dale L., who we shall now call Big Gay Dale) pulls a kitchen asshole move and hogs all the sugar at his station, to the chagrin of many. Speaking of sugar hoarding, we learn that Blais was a “husky” kid and used to eat cereal with heavy cream because “heavy cream is delicious.” Idea!