“Top Chef: Just Desserts” Finale Recap: “A Four-Course Date with Destiny”

Last night’s Top Chef: Just Desserts finale was, we all know, the event of the year, maybe even the century. It was such an event, in fact, that my wonderful hubby had a special surprise waiting for me …

Just before the show started, I reached down to grab my usual double scotch (I’m kidding – it was more like a triple), and what did I find there? A box of Godiva chocolate. And not just any chocolate, but Morgan’s challenge-winning golden shower truffles. That’s right – I got to personally taste the birth of Morgan’s son. Try to contain your envy.

Halfway through the show, I asked Mark what he thought of Morgan’s chocolates. “It started out kind of nice,” he said. “But then it got really bitter and homophobic.” Hmmm, wonder why that might be.

So after having suffered through Red Hots, Heathers, Go Divas, and Cake-tastrophes, we’re finally down to the final episode and the final three competitors. The episode brilliantly kicks off with three succinct scenes that expertly encapsulate each of these distinctive personalities -- and highlight the way we’ll likely remember them for all eternity.

First there is Danielle, for example, shown chowing down from her faithful bathroom companion, her beloved box of high fiber cereal. (The less said about that the better.)

Then there is Yigit in all his shirtless, tatted, muscley glory. (At some point, I want to know exactly how Yigit manages to surround himself all day long with sweets and still maintain that hot bod. It’s a testament to his inherent goodness that we don’t all hate his guts).

And finally, there is Morgan, spouting off more homophobic ugliness about Zac (who at this point is long gone anyway, yet Morgan apparently can’t get thoughts of him out of his head; what does that tell you?). I don’t want to repeat any more of it. Let’s just say he uses an anti-gay epithet that starts with “F.” Not the really, really hateful F-word that rhymes with maggot. It’s the one that should only be used in reference to characters in Disney movies called in to give princesses makeovers.

What I don’t get about Morgan (and others like him who so often seem to plague reality shows) is the complete lack of self-awareness. You’d think knowing that you’re being filmed, that millions of people will ultimately be watching you, that if you’re very lucky and the public embraces you, you just might get more TV work out of this -- you’d think that with all that, you might be just a little bit conscientious about how you’re coming across. Heck, I go through life completely paranoid about what random strangers think of me (especially waiters and Gap employees), so it really is unfathomable why in these highly publicized, high-stakes circumstances, people can act so cavalierly about their images.

Oh, and another thing, Morgan … you don’t have to actually articulate everything that pops into your head about other people. It’s called having a filter, and you might want to get one. Like I do with these recaps, you loathsome jackass.