"True Blood" Episode 412 Recap: The "Fork You" Finale

And so we come to the end. Appropriately enough, it all takes place on Halloween. This provides an opportunity to see characters in goofy costumes – Sookie as a bunny, Sam as a pilot, Arlene as a zombie, complete with a charming "severed toe" necklace and matching big toe earrings that are certain to be all the rage come this Halloween.

But it also means, as Holly helpfully expositions, that it's a special Wiccan holiday, when the veil between the world of the dead and the world of the living is briefly lifted. Which makes sense, since this episode finds characters thought dead and buried making surprise reappearances, while several of the living join the ranks of the killed off.

As we've come to expect from True Blood finales, the season's major storyline comes to a neat and too tidy conclusion halfway through the episode, while a bunch of new balls are thrown into the air for next season to try to juggle …

DING DONG THE (RHYMES WITH) WITCH IS DEAD. FOR REALS THIS TIME.

Not realizing he's spent the night sleeping next to – and doing lord knows what else – to Marnie in Lafayette's body, Jesus does what any good boyfriend would do and cooks breakfast. He's all, "I know I'm not as good a chef as you, but I worked really hard on this breakfast. Oh, and I finally sharpened all our forks. Now they can practically pierce a T-bone, isn't that great?"

But Lafayette can't eat a single bite of breakfast. What with being full up on dead witch at the moment.

BTW, I love it that Marnie didn't go about her evil business right after taking over Lafayette's body, but instead spent the entire night lying around in bed first, like being deceased is just exhausting and she needed the rest -- and was maybe hoping to squeeze in some bedtime groping with Jesus as a bonus.

Anyway, Maryette is sitting at the breakfast table eyeing Jesus warily, as Jesus tries to assure "Lafayette" that if he wants to live magic-free from now on, it's okay by him. He moves in for a kiss and instantly realizes it's not actually Lafayette, probably on account of the lack of tongue. In all seriousness, I loved this moment, that he just knew that this wasn't his lover, because that's really as it should be with a couple who are so seriously involved.

Jesus pulls away from the kiss alarmed, and Maryette tsk tsks him. Then stabs his hand with a fork. Youch!

Later on, Jesus is sitting tied to a chair and tries, as so many have done before him, to reason with Marnie. She's outraged that he betrayed her, so he tries instead to speak to the Lafayette part that's still somewhere inside. For a brief moment, Lafayette does emerge for one desperate, "Hooker, please," but this only enrages Marnie even more. She points a butcher's knife at Lafayette's body, threatening to blind him or, worse, enact some serious nipple violence.

The thought of that is too terrible for Jesus to bear and he says he'll do anything she wants. What Marnie wants is simple ... all she wants is his gnarly demon-kitty-head powers. Jesus is all, "Sure, take it! Take the freaking demon-kitty-head." So Marnie starts in on some chanting, until the demon-kitty-head comes out to play. And then she stabs Jesus in the gut. D'oh!

And Boooo! So another gay character who is one half of a beloved gay couple gets killed off? Who wrote this episode anyway, Russell T. Davies? And who exactly is Kevin Alejandro's agent, because he might want to consider making a change. First the guy's killed off Ugly Betty, then he's killed off Southland, and if I’m not mistaken, it was specifically so he could be freed up to do True Blood. Where he's now been killed off? Can't this guy catch a break? Boooo!

Meanwhile, at Merlotte's, there's a little Halloween party going on. Sam, who finally figured out that Tommy had fired Sookie when he'd shifted into him, has gone and re-hired her back, but he's forced her to wear bunny ears as payback.

Arlene, dressed as a zombie, helpfully explains to Sookie that "zombies are the new vampires," which is funny in an ironic and knowing way, and I'd think might hit this show a little too close to home.

The kiddies are having their own Halloween party, with Arlene's daughter dressed up as one of her idols, one of the knocked up teens from Teen Mom 2, and Emma, Luna's daughter, helpfully explaining she's either going to be a shifter or a werewolf like her dear dead dad. The whole thing is adorable, like they're paving the way for some spin-off all about Bon Temps children, which would be awesome. They could call it True Blood Droplets.

Anyway, Holly shows up and scares the beejezus out of Sookie by dressing as a fairy. Heh. Then she gets high and launches into her explanation of it being a Wiccan Holiday, which if I were Sookie I'd suspect she was making up just to get an extra paid holiday off from work.

Then Tara comes running up to announce that Jesus is dead. What's more, she thinks Marnie found a way to come back and inhabit Lafayette's body. For someone who's been so consistently dumb, it's rather astonishing that she managed to put all this together, but we'll just go with it since it moves the plot along so nicely.