Shear Genius Recap – 1.1 – “Carrot Top in Drag”

Roy is going around checking on the stylists. He asks Tabatha what level her own hair color is and she replies, “Through the roof.” He laughs and asks her who does it for her. She says she does it herself. He asks why and she says, “Because I do it better than anyone else.” He likes that answer. The confidence thing is really attractive.

Jim tells us that he's been in the business for thirty years and, while he may not be an expert on color, he knows color. I mean, he knooooows color. Um, I'm sensing some overcompensation here. I'm not convinced. Despite knowing color like Simon Cowell knows saggy man boobs, Jim certainly seems very flustered as he tries to gauge shades using a hair color chart. After Tabatha's unflappable attitude, let's just say Jim seems very flapped. [Groan. —Michael Jensen ]

Also a little flapped? Dr. Boogie. With just 45 minutes left in the challenge, Boogie's mannequin head now has blue hair. Well, actually, I'd say it's more of a lavender. The point is it's definitely not blonde. Uh oh. I'd say he's close to a level 8 screwed.

We learn that Theodore and Danna (she of the odd accent) are both “expert colorists.” They're quite confident. In fact, so much so that they lounge around chatting with Roy and bragging about their expertise. Danna especially seems full of hot hair. Anyone who has seen a single episode of Project Runway, Top Chef or any other competitive reality show knows this is called “foreshadowing”. [It's also called the production editor's wet dream.— Michael Jensen ] Of course, her overconfidence is her downfall and, when time is called, her mannequin head is still dripping water everywhere. She didn't even get to comb it out. At least it's blonde. And they did say no one was being judged on presentation.

The results! Several stylist's work is too dark, a few more are uneven. The two self-proclaimed colorists didn't do that well after all their boasting. Who here is surprised? Anyone? Didn't think so. A little less bragging and little more work next time, guys! Come on, Theodore. You're too cute to go home this early. You better step up your game. You can't coast on an early win. [Clearly Josh knows I won't let him interview Theodore if he gets bounced too early, no matter how cute he is.— Michael Jensen ]

The top three are Tabatha, Ben, and Evangelin. Tabatha wins. As winner, she'll get to choose her client first for the Elimination Challenge.

When the stylists arrive home, they are met by Rene. I don't know what Rene's official title is, but he's sort of like a much more annoying and snippier version of Tim Gunn from Project Runway, so I guess he's the mentor. I'll take Tim any day. Rene has this weird Arnold Schwarzenegger-lite accent even though his bio says he's from Denmark . And has anyone else noticed that he never gives constructive advice? He just kind of makes fun of the stylists and tells them what they're doing wrong. [Isn't that my job description, too?— Michael Jensen ]

Anyway, Rene is there to explain the Elimination Challenge. Something every stylist has to deal with is clients coming into the salon with pictures of some celebrity they want to look like. Why they want to look like some drug-addicted, crotch-flashing, C-list celebrity is beyond me, but I have no doubt it's true. This week's elimination challenge is to strike a balance between making the client happy and doing what's best for them.

Since Tabatha, Ben, and Evangelin were the top three for the Short Cut Challenge, they get to go into another room and choose before the others, with Tabatha getting first choice. The stylists face a wall of client photos, and next to each client, a picture of the celebrity they want to look like. Only the top three get to see the celebrity photos. Everyone else will only see the client. Eek! That could be a distinct disadvantage, especially since some of the clients want to go from black to platinum blonde. This isn't the most even playing field, to say the least.

Tabatha chooses a young woman who wants to look like Victoria Beckham (better known as Posh Spice, formerly of the Spice Girls, and bag o' bones wife of soccer super star David Beckham). Evangelin picks someone who wants Halle Berry's famous pixie cut, and Ben chooses a Sienna Miller wannabe (now there's a phrase I never thought I'd type). Only, Ben thought Sienna Miller was Meg Ryan. Hmm, I'd say Ben needs to get out a little more.

After the remaining celeb photos are removed, everyone else comes in to choose. It's a stylist stampede. Dr. Boogie manages to grab several, so he gets to choose who he wants then hand out the extras to the others. Not sure how fair that is, but it's not like it really matters since they have no idea what style their new clients want. [Maybe it doesn't matter, but it's still a lousy thing to do and I'm now hoping Dr. Boogie drops his blow dryer in a sink full of water and fries himself. What a *#&@-#!&.— Michael Jensen ]

Jim is confident in his choice because she has big beautiful eyes. Huh? What do her eyes have to do with her hair? We'll see how happy he is in a little while when he finds out his black haired beauty wants to look like Gwen Stefani.