Since last week, I got off my lazy butt and did a little research of my own. Well, actually, I didn't have to get off my butt since I did my research online from the comfort of my rolly desk chair. Thanks to Bravo's myriad blogs (and to a tip from my fantastic and handsome editor, Michael [No, I won't pay you more for the recap— Michael Jensen]) I learned that Michael Carl (fashion director for Allure Magazine and sassy judge du jour ) is openly gay. I also learned that Sally Hershberger is rumored to be the basis of Shane's character from The L Word. From that, I guess we can assume that she is at least bisexual, but I couldn't find any confirmation. Oh! Did I just start a web rumor?

Anyway, on with the show. Here's a quick teaser: Let's just say it was not a good week to be young on Shear Genius.

Short Cut Challenge: We start off with the stylists filing into the Nexxus Salon where they are met by Jaclyn and Sally. We get to see Anthony's Allure Magazine cover, then get right to the Short Cut Challenge. Sally will be demonstrating her signature shag — made famous by Meg Ryan before she started getting bad plastic surgery — then the stylists will have to recreate the cut on mannequin heads. They have one hour to get it done.

Everyone is quite excited to see Sally in action. She's like a rock star to them. We learn that Sally charges $650 for a haircut!!! Holy mackerel! I think I'm paying a lot at $30. I'm getting clammy just thinking about what the tip would be on a $650 haircut.

Lacey decides to go shorter than Sally's style. Hmm. That's a bit presumptuous, isn't it? Especially when the whole point of the challenge is to recreate Sally's cut. That's quite a risk. We'll see if it pays off. Danna messes up the angle of the style. She's worried.

About thirty minutes into the one hour challenge, Sally announces that the loser will be eliminated. What?! As if they didn't have enough pressure before with doing Sally's signature haircut while she's literally breathing down their necks.

The results: Anthony did okay. Evangelin went a little long. Tabatha did well, Theodore kisses up. Lacey didn't even do a shag. (Bye, Lacey.) Daisy's was a little heavy. Dr. Boogie doesn't usually use scissors. Danna admits she messed up. (Never a good idea on these shows.) Ben learned how to section. Tyson is a creepy, little troll, but he can cut a mean shag.

Top three: Tabatha, Tyson and Ben. Sally says she would pay $650 for Tyson's cut. I wouldn't. Tyson interviews, "She told me that she would pay me $650 to give her that haircut. And you know what? I believe her." Thanks for that, Troll. How very insightful.

In addition to choosing his model first in the elimination challenge, the troll also gets to decide the order in which the other stylists will choose. Ew! I would not like that "prize." The only thing it will accomplish is to make all the other stylists mad at you. Which really only serves to stir up drama. Which is I suppose the point. [No, the point is to sell ads to big corporations by any means possible, thereby further—oh, wait. I'm on my soapbox again. Bad, Michael! Bad! — Michael Jensen] Still, this is a very individualist show. It's not like the others can team up against him or form alliances. There's really no way to do a group challenge. I hope. After the disaster that was Top Design, I never want to see another group challenge on a Bravo show again.

Bottom three: Danna, Lacey, and Evangelin. Lacey gets cut. I don't really care. She wasn't that good anyway. It was only a matter of time.

When they get back to the house, they find a phone with a note telling them they each get a five minute phone call to a loved one at home. Several people immediately start crying.

What? Why?

Now look, I am an extremely emotional person. I've been known to cry over commercials (hey, some of those Hallmark commercials really get to me) and even at drag shows (don't ask), but they've only been there about a week at this point. It's one thing to cry about seeing your loved ones after you've been stranded on an island for a month while being subjected to psychological torture ala visiting parents Survivor. I can get down with that. I've even gotten a little misty myself while watching those reunions. But come on! These people have been staying in a very nice apartment while cutting hair on a game show for about one week! This situation does not warrant tears. I start eying my new bottle of Level vodka. I might need some fortification to get through the rest of this episode.

Tabatha, as if she were reading my mind, turns to Anthony and asks, "Why is everybody crying? They haven't even called yet and they're bloody crying already." [I've decided Tabatha rocks. She speaks her mind, knows what she doing and kind of looks like Annie Lennox. — Michael Jensen]

Cut to a shot of Dr. Boogie, Evangelin, and Danna sharing a weepy group hug. Yeah, definitely going to need alcohol for this. I break open the Level and pour myself a shot.

Anthony tries to explain the sudden cryfest, but he can't really justify it so he trails off with a chuckle. Tabatha sums the situation up quite succinctly with a disdainful, "It's stupid."

When did Tabatha become my favorite?

As if to give me a guilt trip for even thinking that, Theodore's beautiful face appears on my screen. Don't worry, sweetie. I still love you. Theodore tells his mom that he thinks he can win. I sure hope so. I would so miss seeing him on my TV each week. [Oooh, foreshadowing. Just like on the show. — Michael Jensen]

Evangelin sobs through her whole phone call. I swear. She annoys me so much. She's such a nutcase. Hang on. I think I need another shot.

Danna also cries, but she starts her conversation by saying Mazel Tov. I didn't know she was Jewish. I still don't know what the heck her accent is, but her mother sounds South African. As I'm typing this up, I check out her bio on Bravo and I learn that she is, in fact, from South Africa. I still don't get her bizarro accent. Maybe she has a speech impediment. If so, I'd feel really bad for making fun of her. Not really. She ends her call by baaing like a sheep.

After the phone calls, Tyson the Troll tries to make everyone tell him why he should give them second choice. Theodore plays coy, but refuses to answer. No one else will play his little game either. Tabatha puts him in his place, but he's too odd and creepy to understand what just happened.