Shear Genius Recap 1.4 - "So what's the deal?"

Can I call it or what? I told you Evangelin was crazy. [Working for me, Josh knows crazy— Michael Jensen ] I said it from week one, and boy, did she really prove it this week. How crazy is she? Read on to find out. In other news, Tabatha and Anthony continue to be the most awesome people on the show. They're like bestest buddies ever now... and I kind of want to be their friend.

We start, as usual, with the stylists filing into the Nexxus Studio to see the oversized Allure cover. This week, it's featuring Evangelin's hedge clipper cut. It really is cute, but the nut-job now has the hedge clipped tucked into her belt. I told you last week that it would go to her head, and clearly it has. But just wait. We haven't even gotten started yet.

She slurs through an interview about finding her signature style and a new tool. She's referring to the hedge clippers, of course. Yes, she has a signature style. It's called CRAZY! [Josh isn't kidding. She really thinks she's going to become a famous stylist using these shears— Michael Jensen]

The guest judge this week is Linda Wells, Allure's Editor in Chief.

Short Cut Challenge: This week's challenge is all about versatility. The stylists have an hour and a half to create a hairstyle that can transition from day to night. It has to be two different looks, and the twist is the models have to be able to complete the transition by themselves in five minutes.

Tyson looks more like a troll than ever. He's unwisely spiked his thin white-blonde hair so now he looks remarkably like a troll doll. Stick a pencil up his ass and he's done. Er... you know, like those pencil toppers that were all the rage when I was a kid. What were you thinking I meant?

The stylists get to work. Crazy Evangelin breaks out the hedge clippers. Of course. Dr. Boogie tells us that he's decided to not play it safe this week. That's for sure. He starts hacking his model's hair off like he's going to scalp her. That poor girl. I can't watch. But I have to. It's my job, and I'm a good, responsible employee. Right, Michael? [That depends. How sharp are your hedge clippers? — Michael Jensen]

The other stylists are horrified by Boogie's style. As well they should be. He's giving her a mullet! (Maybe Billy Ray Cyrus should be the guest judge.) Linda also looks appalled as she does her rounds. She hilariously asks him, "You're going to be the first person in the world to make the mullet attractive?" Ha!

Everyone is scrambling to teach their client how to change their look from day to night. Several — well, mainly Evangelin — seem a little, shall we say, overly ambitious.

Results: The day looks are largely unremarkable, except for Boogie's of course. If I were that girl, I think I'd sue Bravo. Also, Danna has put her client's hair in little braids around her face and pulled them back. It's cute. No one else did anything remotely interesting.

The night looks are a little better. The models rushed to pull it off in five minutes, and Evangelin's didn't quite finish in time. It's okay, though. It was looking like a rat's nest anyway. Tyson looks like he got mixed up and switched his night and day. Dr. Boogie's is still ugly. Linda even says so. I feel so bad for his client. Daisy and Tabatha did well, but it was nothing special. Anthony did not do so well. Danna's is really cute and young, perfect for her model. Ben's turned out better than I thought it would. Even Linda seems surprised.

Danna wins.

She doesn't get much for winning. Everyone gets to go to the Dtox Day Spa for some red carpet pampering. [Clearly the folks behind Shear Genius don't know how this works. Danna should get to pick two people to go with her so as to make the others jealous and stimulate conflict and tension. That's the part I love best about Survivor, when everyone has been starving for weeks and stinks to high heaven and one team gets to shower, go to a luau, and pig out. When they come back, the others look so hungry and ticked, that I think they might club the others to death. Now that's drama. But I digress. — Michael Jensen]

The pampering seems to involve massage and sitting around in short little robes. Anthony has nice legs. As Anthony and Tabatha get massages, they dish about their competition. Anthony says Tyson pouts every time he doesn't win, and Tabatha says she doesn't care who wins as long as it isn't him. They hate Tyson almost as much as I do. And they make fun of Evangelin too. I love it because we're practically one mind.

The next morning , all hell breaks lose at the apartment. Anthony is shaving Ben's head, (and no, it's not erotic in the least [and not nearly as much fun as when Marcellas nearly got shaved on Top Chef — Michael Jensen]) when the sounds of raised voices can be heard from the main room. As the cameraman rushes out there to catch the drama, we come in just in time to catch Danna calling Evangelin out for being a lunatic and telling her to put the damn hedge clippers away. I can only imagine that Evangelin was once again waxing poetic about her newly discovered "tool."

Evangelin responds by getting up on her crazy box and defending the clippers. She claims she'll make more money cutting hair with the hedge clippers than Danna will with scissors. That's assuming you can find enough insane people to agree to let an equally insane woman cut their hair with hedge clippers. I'm thinking that's a very small market. Maybe insane asylums and retirement homes

Tabatha steps into the fray and tells Evangelin that she's setting the industry back by using hedge clippers. I don't really follow, but I love Tabatha, so we'll go with it. Evangelin starts shrieking and calls Tabatha crazy. Pot. Kettle. Tabatha proceeds to tell Evangelin that only a f**king idiot would want their hair cut with hedge clippers, and that since stylists attract clients who are like them, all Evangelin's clients must be f**king idiots.

I love her logic here, although I'm not sure it was necessary to insult all of Evangelin's clients. Or maybe she was only insulting the ones who would want their hair cut with hedge clippers. In which case, carry on. Come to think of it, anyone who would let Evangelin near their head with sharp objects probably is an idiot. So, yeah. Point for Tabatha.